1 00:00:32,096 --> 00:00:36,064 Ladies and gentlemen, welcome. 2 00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:43,080 Welcome to the opening ceremony of the Ellis Bell Satanic Experience. 3 00:00:45,028 --> 00:00:49,044 120 years ago to this very day, 4 00:00:49,060 --> 00:00:55,016 a young man named Ellis Bell walked out of that house 5 00:00:55,032 --> 00:01:01,012 along that footpath and into that summerhouse. 6 00:01:01,024 --> 00:01:03,004 He wrote a book 7 00:01:03,020 --> 00:01:06,012 that would put our much-loved village of Upper Warden on the map. 8 00:01:06,028 --> 00:01:11,040 The book was called The House Of Satan, 9 00:01:11,052 --> 00:01:18,072 now, as we all know, a major movie. 10 00:01:22,064 --> 00:01:26,048 The part of Ellis Bell will be played by the star of the movie 11 00:01:26,064 --> 00:01:33,068 and another of Upper Warden's most famous sons, Larry Smith. 12 00:01:42,060 --> 00:01:45,048 Larry, Larry. 13 00:01:45,064 --> 00:01:51,056 It's five grand in cash for walking down a path and into a summerhouse. 14 00:01:51,068 --> 00:01:56,080 I ain't wearing no bleeding rug. 15 00:01:56,096 --> 00:02:01,060 I've put a little surprise in there for you. 16 00:02:01,072 --> 00:02:03,056 What? 17 00:02:03,072 --> 00:02:08,072 A tiny soupcon of your favourite Peruvian marching powder. 18 00:02:13,072 --> 00:02:17,092 (COCKNEY ACCENT) So march your bleedin' plates 19 00:02:18,008 --> 00:02:23,000 down that bleedin' path, know what I mean, son? 20 00:02:28,084 --> 00:02:30,084 (CROWD CLAPS AND CHEERS) 21 00:04:06,084 --> 00:04:08,040 Troy, stop. 22 00:04:08,052 --> 00:04:11,072 We go down the hill, Troy. 23 00:04:11,088 --> 00:04:14,064 I thought we were going to Upper Warden. We are. 24 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:20,052 Upper Warden is down the hill. Lower Warden is up the hill. 25 00:04:20,064 --> 00:04:22,028 That doesn't make any sense. 26 00:04:22,040 --> 00:04:25,040 Troy, this is Midsomer. 27 00:04:25,052 --> 00:04:28,012 Sorry. I forgot. 28 00:05:05,020 --> 00:05:09,012 A bomb? Semtex. Something of the sort. 29 00:05:09,028 --> 00:05:11,096 You can buy it at car boot sales if you know where to look. 30 00:05:12,012 --> 00:05:16,076 Triggered by what? I'd say some sort of remote-control device. 31 00:05:16,092 --> 00:05:19,044 Where's our body? In a bag. 32 00:05:19,060 --> 00:05:23,004 It was a big explosion so he was somewhat dispersed. 33 00:05:23,020 --> 00:05:25,048 Troy says I should recognise the name. 34 00:05:25,060 --> 00:05:27,036 Larry Smith. 35 00:05:27,048 --> 00:05:31,036 Nah. Larry Smiff? 36 00:05:31,052 --> 00:05:33,084 Why are you putting on that absurd voice? 37 00:05:33,096 --> 00:05:36,076 That's the way he used to talk. 38 00:05:36,088 --> 00:05:39,052 He made his name in a TV series 39 00:05:39,068 --> 00:05:42,028 about loveable East End gangsters called Diamond Geezers. 40 00:05:42,044 --> 00:05:44,052 He was famous? Never out of the tabloids. 41 00:05:44,068 --> 00:05:47,060 Usual stuff. Birds and booze. You know? 42 00:05:47,076 --> 00:05:52,008 What's a famous diamond geezer doing in a stately home like this? 43 00:05:52,020 --> 00:05:55,004 Apparently he was the vicar's son. 44 00:06:33,080 --> 00:06:37,032 Here comes the bogeyman. 45 00:06:38,092 --> 00:06:40,092 MOBILE RINGS 46 00:06:42,088 --> 00:06:46,044 Mike, what's the story? 47 00:06:46,056 --> 00:06:49,080 Oh. 48 00:06:49,092 --> 00:06:52,092 What do we tell him? 49 00:06:53,008 --> 00:06:56,080 We maintain the family tradition. We tell him the truth? 50 00:06:56,092 --> 00:07:00,032 That isn't at all what I said. 51 00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:05,060 Detective Chief Inspector Barnaby. 52 00:07:09,044 --> 00:07:13,004 Ah. Rupert Smythe-Webster. 53 00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:18,064 Please accept my deepest sympathy. 54 00:07:18,076 --> 00:07:21,000 Noted and appreciated, Inspector. 55 00:07:21,016 --> 00:07:26,024 Let me get you a seat. Thank you. 56 00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:31,052 So, let me tell you who everybody is. 57 00:07:31,068 --> 00:07:36,072 My younger brother Simon. His wife Laura. 58 00:07:36,088 --> 00:07:40,020 And over there is my youngest brother, 59 00:07:40,032 --> 00:07:43,068 who will join us when it suits him. 60 00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:45,052 Me, darling. 61 00:07:45,068 --> 00:07:49,008 Forgive me, Inspector. This is my third wife, Wendy. 62 00:07:49,024 --> 00:07:53,040 Fourth. Fourth. 63 00:07:53,052 --> 00:07:58,036 Larry Smith was your son? 64 00:07:58,052 --> 00:08:02,072 Yes, he was my son. We brought him up as Lawrence Smythe-Webster. 65 00:08:02,088 --> 00:08:05,016 Larry Smith is a creature he invented after he left us. 66 00:08:05,028 --> 00:08:07,032 That is not entirely fair. 67 00:08:08,044 --> 00:08:14,008 This is my youngest brother Francis, Inspector, who answers to Frank. 68 00:08:14,024 --> 00:08:17,080 We were telling Inspector Barnaby all about our nephew. 69 00:08:20,060 --> 00:08:24,012 He had lovely eyelashes. 70 00:08:28,056 --> 00:08:31,000 Do you all live in Upper Warden? 71 00:08:31,016 --> 00:08:35,044 You're looking at a thousand- year-old family tradition, Barnaby. 72 00:08:35,056 --> 00:08:38,068 The first-born son stays at home. 73 00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:40,064 We live in the east wing. 74 00:08:40,084 --> 00:08:44,048 The next son goes into the Church and becomes the vicar of Upper Warden. 75 00:08:44,064 --> 00:08:47,000 The youngest goes off to the Crusades. 76 00:08:47,016 --> 00:08:49,048 But I decided to join the godless infidels, 77 00:08:49,060 --> 00:08:51,080 and became a movie producer. 78 00:08:51,092 --> 00:08:54,004 You produced The House Of Satan? 79 00:08:54,020 --> 00:08:59,072 The highest-grossing UK-financed movie of the past decade. 80 00:08:59,084 --> 00:09:02,016 Gross is an appropriate word. 81 00:09:05,076 --> 00:09:10,092 I'll need a large room where I can set up a temporary headquarters. 82 00:09:11,004 --> 00:09:13,036 Absolutely no problem. 83 00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:15,056 Simon will lend you the church schoolroom. 84 00:09:15,068 --> 00:09:17,096 (LAUGHS) 85 00:09:18,008 --> 00:09:20,040 We need the schoolroom 86 00:09:20,056 --> 00:09:22,084 for the Sunday school anniversary concert rehearsals. 87 00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:26,012 It's God's will, Simon. No it isn't - it's your will. 88 00:09:26,028 --> 00:09:28,084 In Upper Warden it's all the same thing. 89 00:09:49,012 --> 00:09:53,076 Hi, Danny. Hi, Phil. Coffee? 90 00:09:53,088 --> 00:09:55,076 You bet. 91 00:10:06,024 --> 00:10:09,080 What you doing here? The guttering on the summerhouse? 92 00:10:09,092 --> 00:10:12,012 I made a start. 93 00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:14,036 And then I had to check Her Ladyship's jacuzzi. 94 00:10:14,048 --> 00:10:16,036 You're not the first. 95 00:10:16,048 --> 00:10:18,036 (LAUGHS) 96 00:10:18,048 --> 00:10:22,084 Here's to poor Larry. 97 00:10:22,096 --> 00:10:26,084 Yeah. Poor Larry. 98 00:10:30,068 --> 00:10:33,020 Ta. 99 00:10:33,032 --> 00:10:37,096 Got any more coffee? 100 00:10:38,008 --> 00:10:40,072 Go on. 101 00:10:42,060 --> 00:10:45,016 See you down the club later. 102 00:10:45,028 --> 00:10:48,040 Yeah. Later. 103 00:10:48,052 --> 00:10:53,024 Apparently it's all a pack of lies. 104 00:10:53,036 --> 00:10:54,072 Who says? 105 00:10:54,088 --> 00:10:57,068 The man I was standing next to in the line of peasants. 106 00:10:57,084 --> 00:11:01,040 A local chap, dressed as the village blacksmith. 107 00:11:01,052 --> 00:11:02,088 Ta. 108 00:11:03,004 --> 00:11:07,060 He said Ellis Bell never went near the summerhouse. 109 00:11:07,076 --> 00:11:10,032 He wrote the book in the neighbouring village 110 00:11:10,044 --> 00:11:12,080 of Lower Warden. 111 00:11:12,096 --> 00:11:16,040 My chap claimed the film was a travesty and it was all 112 00:11:16,052 --> 00:11:18,060 Oliver Cromwell's fault. 113 00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:22,040 Would you know this fellow again? I doubt it. He was covered in whiskers. 114 00:11:22,056 --> 00:11:25,036 He was local? He wasn't one of the Causton am dram lot? 115 00:11:25,048 --> 00:11:27,012 Definitely local. 116 00:11:27,028 --> 00:11:29,024 We were only there to make up the numbers. 117 00:11:29,040 --> 00:11:32,036 Day in the fresh air. Buffet lunch. 118 00:11:32,052 --> 00:11:34,016 Rather a good lunch, as a matter of fact. 119 00:11:34,032 --> 00:11:37,088 Danny the chef's speciality - meatballs. 120 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:40,032 Sweet boy. 121 00:11:40,048 --> 00:11:43,000 Apparently, he'd just lost his mother. 122 00:11:43,012 --> 00:11:45,064 But he still insisted on turning up. 123 00:11:54,076 --> 00:11:58,064 All on your own, sir? Yes, Danny. 124 00:11:58,076 --> 00:12:00,080 The family's deserted me. 125 00:12:04,080 --> 00:12:07,044 We're all very sorry about what happened this afternoon, sir. 126 00:12:07,056 --> 00:12:11,024 Thank you, Danny. Very kind. 127 00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:15,000 I do appreciate the fact that you turned up at all today. 128 00:12:15,012 --> 00:12:17,048 'Cause of my mum. 129 00:12:17,060 --> 00:12:20,068 So soon after the funeral? 130 00:12:20,084 --> 00:12:23,096 She brought Larry into the world, you know. 131 00:12:24,008 --> 00:12:27,004 The same for me, I suppose. 132 00:12:27,020 --> 00:12:31,008 I wonder if you realise the full tragic irony 133 00:12:31,020 --> 00:12:34,040 of today's whole sorry business. 134 00:12:34,056 --> 00:12:38,008 Getting blown up has got to be a bit tragic. 135 00:12:38,024 --> 00:12:42,056 The irony is that from the point of view of the film 136 00:12:42,068 --> 00:12:45,032 and of this place 137 00:12:45,048 --> 00:12:50,036 Larry's death could be terribly good for business. 138 00:13:21,068 --> 00:13:23,036 Morning. Morning. 139 00:13:23,048 --> 00:13:24,092 Morning. 140 00:13:27,092 --> 00:13:31,084 I'd like to talk to Mr Frank Smythe-Webster. 141 00:13:31,096 --> 00:13:34,004 He calls himself Frank Webster. 142 00:13:34,020 --> 00:13:36,056 I want to talk to him under either of his names. 143 00:13:36,072 --> 00:13:39,040 He's working out in the Ellis Bell multi-gym. 144 00:13:39,056 --> 00:13:43,024 Don't blame me - it's a marketing concept. 145 00:13:43,036 --> 00:13:45,068 Thank you, Helen. 146 00:13:47,080 --> 00:13:50,024 Mike, don't panic. 147 00:13:50,036 --> 00:13:51,072 My friend, there is no problem. 148 00:13:51,084 --> 00:13:54,052 Wasn't it Gertrude Stein who said 149 00:13:54,064 --> 00:13:57,080 a geezer is a geezer is a geezer? 150 00:13:57,096 --> 00:14:02,008 Yes, well... I'll call you back. Two minutes. 151 00:14:06,016 --> 00:14:09,028 Inspector Barnaby. How can I help you? 152 00:14:09,040 --> 00:14:12,024 My first choice - 153 00:14:12,040 --> 00:14:17,040 who stood to gain by killing your nephew? 154 00:14:17,052 --> 00:14:19,036 Certainly not me. 155 00:14:19,052 --> 00:14:22,056 You realise we start shooting House Of Satan 2 next month? 156 00:14:22,068 --> 00:14:25,044 No, I didn't realise that. 157 00:14:25,060 --> 00:14:27,064 You're having to find another actor, are you? 158 00:14:27,080 --> 00:14:31,056 Yes. And once agents realise the fine mess we're in, 159 00:14:31,068 --> 00:14:34,044 the price goes through the roof. 160 00:14:34,056 --> 00:14:36,088 I find that deeply offensive. 161 00:14:37,004 --> 00:14:39,076 Is that all it's about, then? Money? 162 00:14:39,092 --> 00:14:43,032 The bottom line. Everything's about money. 163 00:14:43,044 --> 00:14:45,052 What did you expect? 164 00:14:45,068 --> 00:14:50,012 I expected a little more grief from the bereaved 165 00:14:50,028 --> 00:14:53,068 with the possible exception of his mother. 166 00:14:53,088 --> 00:14:56,092 You could put it down to the stiff upper lip of the English ruling class. 167 00:14:57,008 --> 00:14:59,084 But more likely it's the fact that nobody liked him. 168 00:14:59,096 --> 00:15:01,092 Mr Webster... 169 00:15:02,004 --> 00:15:04,000 Call me Frank. 170 00:15:04,012 --> 00:15:06,016 Frank. 171 00:15:06,032 --> 00:15:10,080 I've been bullied by the media into holding a press conference. 172 00:15:10,092 --> 00:15:13,072 Would you mind taking part, please? 173 00:15:13,088 --> 00:15:18,036 My pleasure. All publicity is good publicity. 174 00:15:20,060 --> 00:15:23,080 Yes. Yes. 175 00:15:23,092 --> 00:15:26,056 Yes, I'll come back to you. 176 00:15:28,016 --> 00:15:31,008 Larry Smith was not only my nephew, 177 00:15:31,024 --> 00:15:35,096 but a sweet guy and a very dear friend - 178 00:15:36,012 --> 00:15:39,008 destined to become a major international star 179 00:15:39,024 --> 00:15:44,012 in our next project together - House Of Satan 2. 180 00:15:47,096 --> 00:15:51,072 We have no idea who has perpetrated this ghastly crime. 181 00:15:51,088 --> 00:15:54,080 But we will give the police every assistance 182 00:15:54,092 --> 00:15:57,068 in bringing the killer to justice. 183 00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:59,016 Thank you. 184 00:15:59,028 --> 00:16:00,064 Thank you, Mr Webster. 185 00:16:00,076 --> 00:16:02,096 I'll take questions now, please. 186 00:16:03,008 --> 00:16:04,060 Yes? 187 00:16:04,072 --> 00:16:07,016 Murdoch. Causton Echo. 188 00:16:07,028 --> 00:16:08,076 Yes? 189 00:16:08,092 --> 00:16:13,012 Knowing of Larry Smith's history of substance abuse, 190 00:16:13,024 --> 00:16:15,072 could his murder be drugs-related? 191 00:16:15,084 --> 00:16:18,092 At present nothing is ruled out. 192 00:16:21,044 --> 00:16:25,008 Jack Wilson. Upper Warden Church Newsletter. 193 00:16:25,024 --> 00:16:27,080 I also keep the bookshop in the high street. 194 00:16:27,096 --> 00:16:30,076 With respect, our friend should go back home 195 00:16:30,088 --> 00:16:32,088 to his own kind in Causton. 196 00:16:33,004 --> 00:16:35,000 This is purely and simply a local initiative. 197 00:16:35,016 --> 00:16:38,084 Thank you, Mr Wilson. What's your question? 198 00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:40,036 No question. MOBILE RINGS 199 00:16:40,052 --> 00:16:41,088 I'm simply putting the record straight. 200 00:16:42,004 --> 00:16:44,064 We're talking about Upper Warden and Lower Warden. 201 00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:46,068 Mr... We've been murdering each other here 202 00:16:46,080 --> 00:16:48,072 since the time of Cromwell. 203 00:16:48,084 --> 00:16:51,008 We're not going to change now. 204 00:16:51,024 --> 00:16:54,044 March 14th 1643. That's when it all began. 205 00:16:54,060 --> 00:16:59,012 Mr Wilson, would you excuse me, please? 206 00:16:59,024 --> 00:17:01,096 My sergeant needs to speak to me. 207 00:17:06,052 --> 00:17:08,056 What's the crisis? Fight broke out. 208 00:17:08,068 --> 00:17:10,052 Really? Who's been fighting? 209 00:17:10,064 --> 00:17:13,000 Over there. 210 00:17:21,084 --> 00:17:24,012 What happened? 211 00:17:24,028 --> 00:17:26,012 I come here with my flowers for Larry, 212 00:17:26,028 --> 00:17:28,040 and there she was with her flowers for Larry. 213 00:17:28,056 --> 00:17:30,068 He would have been glad to have flowers from you both. 214 00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:32,056 When did you meet him? 215 00:17:32,072 --> 00:17:35,020 Last year. When he was here filming The House Of Satan. 216 00:17:35,036 --> 00:17:37,068 Which is when our relationship started. 217 00:17:37,084 --> 00:17:40,060 She called it a relationship. So I called her a lying cow 218 00:17:40,072 --> 00:17:43,048 and she hit me with her flowers. 219 00:17:43,060 --> 00:17:46,012 How can you draw blood with flowers? 220 00:17:46,024 --> 00:17:48,092 It was an arrangement. In a pot. 221 00:17:49,008 --> 00:17:53,028 I always think a nice arrangement is more appropriate on these occasions. 222 00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:54,080 I think it would be more appropriate 223 00:17:54,096 --> 00:17:57,048 if you were both to go home and grow up. 224 00:17:57,060 --> 00:17:59,032 In either order. 225 00:17:59,044 --> 00:18:01,028 Go. 226 00:18:15,068 --> 00:18:18,080 Seems to have put it about a bit when he was here last year. 227 00:18:18,092 --> 00:18:24,076 Jane, Caroline, Michelle, Fiona. 228 00:18:27,036 --> 00:18:30,088 There's one here from Darren. 229 00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:34,040 Darren? Any idea who Darren might be? 230 00:18:34,056 --> 00:18:37,000 Apparently he's the local video nerd. 231 00:18:37,012 --> 00:18:38,052 He was covering the event. 232 00:18:38,068 --> 00:18:40,076 And a bit of an obsessive, so worth checking out. 233 00:18:40,092 --> 00:18:43,032 He sometimes helps at the local bookshop. 234 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:55,000 BELL CLATTERS 235 00:18:59,056 --> 00:19:01,068 Hello? 236 00:19:07,032 --> 00:19:09,032 MACHINERY CHURNS 237 00:19:30,092 --> 00:19:34,000 I'm looking for Mr Wilson. 238 00:19:34,012 --> 00:19:35,052 He's not here. 239 00:19:35,068 --> 00:19:40,052 You must be Darren. That's very good. 240 00:19:40,064 --> 00:19:42,024 Lucky guess. 241 00:19:42,036 --> 00:19:45,088 Mr Wilson's out delivering these. 242 00:19:46,004 --> 00:19:49,000 These? Well, he's not delivering these. 243 00:19:49,020 --> 00:19:52,008 He's delivering the ones we've already done, if you see what I mean. 244 00:19:52,020 --> 00:19:54,080 I see what you mean. May I? 245 00:19:54,092 --> 00:19:56,052 Oh, yes. It's free. 246 00:19:56,068 --> 00:20:00,048 Mr Wilson's brought out a special edition because of the murder. 247 00:20:00,064 --> 00:20:04,096 He's written an editorial about how the police haven't a clue. 248 00:20:09,016 --> 00:20:11,008 Ah. 249 00:20:11,020 --> 00:20:13,000 I see. 250 00:20:13,012 --> 00:20:15,072 Shall I make us a cup of tea? 251 00:20:15,088 --> 00:20:20,072 Yeah. Then you can tell me what the clue is that the police don't have. 252 00:20:24,092 --> 00:20:26,092 SPOOKY NOISES 253 00:20:34,076 --> 00:20:37,024 There you are, Barnaby. 254 00:20:37,040 --> 00:20:39,068 That's your basic satanic experience. 255 00:20:39,084 --> 00:20:43,000 A darkened room with some strange noises? 256 00:20:43,016 --> 00:20:46,080 It's an homage. A key scene in the movie. 257 00:20:46,096 --> 00:20:50,092 Our hero is locked in a darkened room by the bad guys, 258 00:20:51,008 --> 00:20:55,040 and driven mad by a series of unexplained noises. 259 00:20:55,052 --> 00:20:58,096 SOUND EFFECTS STUCK IN A LOOP 260 00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:06,032 Then of course he recovers his sanity 261 00:21:06,044 --> 00:21:08,084 in order to kill off the bad guys. 262 00:21:08,096 --> 00:21:10,048 An homage? 263 00:21:10,064 --> 00:21:15,016 According to our market research movie buffs love an homage. 264 00:21:15,032 --> 00:21:20,000 Show them a plastic shark or the shower curtain from Psycho 265 00:21:20,016 --> 00:21:23,040 and they wet themselves with glee and reach for their wallets. 266 00:21:23,052 --> 00:21:25,088 Where exactly are we? 267 00:21:26,004 --> 00:21:29,048 Immediately below the gymnasium? Well spotted. 268 00:21:33,004 --> 00:21:36,096 What about this state of war with Lower Warden? 269 00:21:37,008 --> 00:21:38,092 Mr Wilson knows about that. 270 00:21:39,004 --> 00:21:40,084 And Oliver Cromwell? 271 00:21:40,096 --> 00:21:43,092 Mr Wilson knows about that too. 272 00:21:45,076 --> 00:21:48,036 Do you know about anything, Darren? 273 00:21:48,052 --> 00:21:54,088 I know a lot about classic movies, The Prisoner, and Doctor Who. 274 00:21:55,004 --> 00:21:57,092 You left some flowers at the murder scene? 275 00:21:58,004 --> 00:22:00,028 Yes. 276 00:22:00,044 --> 00:22:03,088 Did you have a relationship with Larry Smith? 277 00:22:04,004 --> 00:22:08,048 No. I don't have relationships, as a rule. 278 00:22:08,064 --> 00:22:11,044 But I've got all 26 episodes of Diamond Geezers on video, 279 00:22:11,060 --> 00:22:15,028 and The House Of Satan on video and DVD. 280 00:22:16,044 --> 00:22:19,032 RECORDER CLICKS ON 281 00:22:20,032 --> 00:22:23,092 Tell me how you met Larry Smith. 282 00:22:24,008 --> 00:22:25,092 It was last year, when they were making the film. 283 00:22:26,008 --> 00:22:28,076 I was chambermaiding at the house he was staying at with the film unit. 284 00:22:28,088 --> 00:22:30,052 And you fell in love? 285 00:22:30,064 --> 00:22:32,056 That'd be pushing it a bit. 286 00:22:32,068 --> 00:22:35,048 But you had a relationship? 287 00:22:35,060 --> 00:22:40,020 Oh, yeah. Definitely a relationship. 288 00:22:40,032 --> 00:22:41,096 How long did it last? 289 00:22:44,012 --> 00:22:47,068 Couple of hours, maybe. 290 00:22:47,080 --> 00:22:49,080 RECORDER CLICKS OFF 291 00:22:49,096 --> 00:22:54,000 Emily, my love, the memory can do funny things. 292 00:22:54,016 --> 00:22:57,040 Now is there any way I can persuade you 293 00:22:57,056 --> 00:23:01,048 that it might have lasted a little longer than that? 294 00:23:01,060 --> 00:23:03,068 Now... 295 00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:05,052 RECORDER CLICKS ON 296 00:23:05,068 --> 00:23:10,084 Tell me about your night of passion with Larry Smith. 297 00:23:12,084 --> 00:23:15,040 It was a Thursday afternoon... 298 00:23:15,056 --> 00:23:17,004 RECORDER CLICKS OFF Emily! 299 00:23:17,016 --> 00:23:22,000 What did I just say? 300 00:23:26,012 --> 00:23:28,008 RECORDER CLICKS ON 301 00:23:28,024 --> 00:23:32,036 I shall never forget the first time he looked into my eyes. 302 00:23:33,076 --> 00:23:36,024 Would you like to be famous, Darren? 303 00:23:36,040 --> 00:23:38,060 I'd love to. But I can't see it happening. Can you? 304 00:23:38,072 --> 00:23:41,064 Let's hope not. 305 00:23:41,080 --> 00:23:46,024 If you'd murdered Larry Smith, you'd be famous. 306 00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:49,016 But only for 15 minutes. Is it worth it? 307 00:23:51,024 --> 00:23:54,000 I believe you made a video of yesterday's events? 308 00:23:54,020 --> 00:23:57,084 I make videos of everything that happens in the village. Would you like it as evidence? 309 00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:00,072 Please. Remind me to bring it from home next time I see you. 310 00:24:00,084 --> 00:24:04,096 I'm reminding you now, Darren. 311 00:24:05,012 --> 00:24:08,028 And you can sell me a copy of The House Of Satan before I leave. 312 00:24:09,084 --> 00:24:11,044 Right. 313 00:24:13,016 --> 00:24:15,000 Which one do you want? 314 00:24:15,012 --> 00:24:17,004 Is there more than one? 315 00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:21,056 There's two. There's the book of the film. 316 00:24:21,072 --> 00:24:24,012 And there's Ellis Bell's original version. 317 00:24:24,028 --> 00:24:25,088 Are they different? Yes. 318 00:24:26,004 --> 00:24:28,012 The book of the film's got the haunted dungeon in it. 319 00:24:28,024 --> 00:24:30,048 Oh. I better have one of each, then. 320 00:24:30,064 --> 00:24:33,092 I'm sorry. We only stock the book of the film. 321 00:24:34,008 --> 00:24:36,072 You'll have to go to Lower Warden for the other one. 322 00:24:39,008 --> 00:24:41,080 Could Darren organise an explosion? 323 00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:45,040 I bet you can learn how to do it from the net if you know where to surf. 324 00:24:45,056 --> 00:24:49,004 I'm seeing him again this evening. I'll ask him about it then. 325 00:24:49,016 --> 00:24:51,016 Why? Why are you seeing him again? 326 00:24:51,032 --> 00:24:53,072 Oh, he's promised to do some research 327 00:24:53,088 --> 00:24:56,028 on jealous husbands and jealous boyfriends. 328 00:24:56,044 --> 00:24:58,096 And he's bringing his video in from home. Excellent. 329 00:24:59,012 --> 00:25:03,052 In the words of Alfred Hitchcock, actors are cattle. 330 00:25:03,068 --> 00:25:05,096 Yeah, yeah, that's a bit rough on cattle, I know. 331 00:25:06,012 --> 00:25:09,072 So give the guy an evasive answer. Tell him to go screw himself. 332 00:25:09,084 --> 00:25:11,068 MOBILE CLICKS OFF 333 00:25:11,084 --> 00:25:13,080 Film producers do that for fun, do they? 334 00:25:13,092 --> 00:25:15,028 No. Because it's good for them. 335 00:25:15,040 --> 00:25:17,024 I hate things that are good for me. 336 00:25:17,036 --> 00:25:19,072 So, what have we got? 337 00:25:24,016 --> 00:25:26,056 I'd rather do this my way. Father's way. 338 00:25:26,068 --> 00:25:28,076 The short, sharp shock. 339 00:25:28,092 --> 00:25:34,024 Look. We talked about it, we agreed, remember? 340 00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:38,064 Hey, you remember how we used to settle arguments when we were kids? 341 00:25:38,080 --> 00:25:42,012 What? You can't settle a thing like this with a toss of a coin. 342 00:25:42,024 --> 00:25:44,024 Want a bet? 343 00:25:44,036 --> 00:25:46,052 Heads. 344 00:25:56,088 --> 00:25:59,004 My way. 345 00:26:10,020 --> 00:26:11,068 This suit's going to be ruined. 346 00:26:11,084 --> 00:26:18,000 Well, it's your fault. You won the toss, remember? 347 00:26:28,056 --> 00:26:31,068 Ah. Well, we've done as we were told. 348 00:26:31,084 --> 00:26:34,052 We've left the package on the tree stump, 349 00:26:34,064 --> 00:26:38,032 and stayed well out of the way. 350 00:26:38,044 --> 00:26:40,020 We'll see how good they are. 351 00:26:40,036 --> 00:26:42,048 (AMERICAN ACCENT) I keep telling you, bro. 352 00:26:42,060 --> 00:26:44,072 It's amateur night in Dixie. 353 00:26:44,084 --> 00:26:47,020 MOTORBIKE 354 00:27:10,028 --> 00:27:11,076 Now what happens? 355 00:27:11,088 --> 00:27:14,084 We watch this space. 356 00:27:40,068 --> 00:27:42,016 Morning, Helen. 357 00:27:42,032 --> 00:27:45,036 Morning, Mr Webster. You're up early. 358 00:27:45,048 --> 00:27:48,052 Quick workout. Healthy breakfast. 359 00:27:48,072 --> 00:27:52,032 Then back to the big city to find a cheap and willing actor who wants to be a star. 360 00:27:52,048 --> 00:27:54,064 He'll have to be brave as well, won't he? 361 00:27:54,076 --> 00:27:56,068 Stupid will do. 362 00:27:56,080 --> 00:27:58,040 Did you know this, Troy? 363 00:27:58,056 --> 00:28:02,000 If a leading actor drops dead just as he's about to make a film, 364 00:28:02,016 --> 00:28:04,064 apparently there's always an insurance deal, 365 00:28:04,080 --> 00:28:07,028 sometimes amounting to millions of pounds. 366 00:28:07,044 --> 00:28:10,072 A lot of people are making money from the situation. 367 00:28:10,088 --> 00:28:14,040 "My 24 hours of passion by broken-hearted Emily Gaskell." 368 00:28:14,052 --> 00:28:17,064 Somebody's feeding the tabloids. 369 00:28:17,080 --> 00:28:20,092 Bet it's that journalist from the Causton Echo. 370 00:28:25,092 --> 00:28:28,064 Was that there last night when you left? 371 00:28:28,076 --> 00:28:30,032 No. Definitely not. 372 00:28:31,044 --> 00:28:34,032 Lev? 373 00:28:34,048 --> 00:28:37,044 Wasn't he a Russian goalie? Lev Yashin? 374 00:28:37,056 --> 00:28:40,092 It's a biblical reference. Leviticus. 375 00:28:41,004 --> 00:28:43,000 From the Bible. 376 00:28:43,016 --> 00:28:47,036 Every schoolboy's favourite dirty book. 377 00:28:47,052 --> 00:28:52,020 I'm going to talk to the Reverend Simon. 378 00:29:03,004 --> 00:29:07,000 Mr Barnaby. Good morning. Morning, sir. 379 00:29:07,012 --> 00:29:09,064 I'm very sorry to disturb you, 380 00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:13,052 but I was hoping for some help with a biblical reference. 381 00:29:13,064 --> 00:29:16,092 Leviticus, chapter 18, verse 16? 382 00:29:17,008 --> 00:29:21,020 Oh, you've seen it, have you? I assume you didn't do it? 383 00:29:21,036 --> 00:29:25,092 I have many frailties, but I'm not vulgar. 384 00:29:26,008 --> 00:29:30,020 The chapter deals with various prohibitions in carnal matters. 385 00:29:30,036 --> 00:29:33,064 The people and, in the later verses indeed, the animals 386 00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:36,040 that one is not permitted to have sexual relations with, 387 00:29:36,052 --> 00:29:38,044 according to God's law. 388 00:29:38,056 --> 00:29:42,020 Here we are. Verse 16. 389 00:29:46,076 --> 00:29:50,056 "Thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of thy brother's wife." 390 00:29:50,068 --> 00:29:53,032 I think the meaning is clear. 391 00:29:57,068 --> 00:30:00,000 Please. 392 00:30:04,092 --> 00:30:08,072 Why would someone write that on the schoolroom wall, 393 00:30:08,084 --> 00:30:11,084 knowing the police would see it? 394 00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:15,072 I imagine they're pointing the finger at our family. 395 00:30:15,084 --> 00:30:17,088 Anyone in particular? 396 00:30:20,084 --> 00:30:25,060 I'll answer your questions truthfully and honestly, Mr Barnaby. 397 00:30:25,076 --> 00:30:28,020 But I don't deal in gossip and innuendo. 398 00:30:28,032 --> 00:30:30,028 Oh, I'm sure you don't. 399 00:30:33,024 --> 00:30:37,088 Can we consider please your eldest brother's wife, 400 00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:41,064 Mrs Wendy Smythe-Webster? 401 00:30:41,080 --> 00:30:47,084 Is it possible that your brother Frank 402 00:30:47,096 --> 00:30:53,004 or even your late son, for example, 403 00:30:53,016 --> 00:30:57,032 might have uncovered her nakedness? 404 00:30:59,016 --> 00:31:01,092 And that brother Rupert took exception to it? 405 00:31:06,024 --> 00:31:10,016 Wendy may not be the brightest star in God's firmament, 406 00:31:10,028 --> 00:31:13,004 but she's fundamentally harmless. 407 00:31:13,020 --> 00:31:18,024 A flirt, and, in the vernacular, a bimbo - 408 00:31:18,036 --> 00:31:22,040 but not, I believe, an adulteress. 409 00:32:40,072 --> 00:32:44,032 Men over a certain age shouldn't take exercise. 410 00:32:44,048 --> 00:32:47,052 Promise me you'll never go searching for your lost youth, Tom. 411 00:32:47,068 --> 00:32:50,020 It's lost because it's meant to be lost. 412 00:32:50,032 --> 00:32:52,000 You're sure it's heart failure? 413 00:32:52,016 --> 00:32:56,008 Well, not till I've done a full examination, but... 414 00:32:59,008 --> 00:33:02,056 Why would a man who's never had a proper job in his life 415 00:33:02,068 --> 00:33:05,076 have a workman's hands? 416 00:33:05,088 --> 00:33:07,080 Or could that be a scorch mark? 417 00:33:07,092 --> 00:33:09,032 Let's have a look. 418 00:33:21,004 --> 00:33:23,076 These things usually are connected to the mains? 419 00:33:23,092 --> 00:33:26,012 Yes. They're stuffed full of computerised instrumentation 420 00:33:26,024 --> 00:33:28,048 so you can measure your progress. 421 00:33:28,064 --> 00:33:32,036 Right, well check that bike. See if the circuits are blown. 422 00:33:33,092 --> 00:33:37,056 He was making an early start back to London, he said. 423 00:33:37,068 --> 00:33:40,072 Did anyone else go into the gym? 424 00:33:40,088 --> 00:33:43,072 No. He's the only one who's ever used it so far. 425 00:33:45,088 --> 00:33:49,000 Very healthy, he was. 426 00:33:49,012 --> 00:33:51,068 But you found the body? 427 00:33:51,080 --> 00:33:54,012 Yeah. 428 00:33:54,024 --> 00:34:00,096 See, I assumed he'd have his workout 429 00:34:01,012 --> 00:34:03,080 and then go back to his room for breakfast. 430 00:34:03,092 --> 00:34:06,012 That's what he usually did. 431 00:34:06,028 --> 00:34:09,060 Then I started getting phone calls for him, 432 00:34:09,076 --> 00:34:13,008 and there was no answer from his room, 433 00:34:13,020 --> 00:34:17,028 so I thought I'd better check. 434 00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:19,076 And there he was. 435 00:34:25,048 --> 00:34:29,072 I've never seen anyone dead before. 436 00:34:29,084 --> 00:34:31,020 You should go home. 437 00:34:32,068 --> 00:34:35,064 Somebody's coming in to relieve me. Good. 438 00:34:36,064 --> 00:34:38,020 Is this Ellis Bell? 439 00:34:38,032 --> 00:34:41,032 Ellis Bell. The proper one. 440 00:34:41,044 --> 00:34:46,060 What a mess, eh? 441 00:34:46,072 --> 00:34:48,092 It's all your fault. 442 00:34:54,076 --> 00:34:56,076 Yes, that would do it. 443 00:34:58,096 --> 00:35:02,048 So all anyone would need to put a mains charge through the exercise bike 444 00:35:02,060 --> 00:35:04,032 would be a set of jump leads? 445 00:35:04,044 --> 00:35:06,032 And rubber gloves. 446 00:35:06,044 --> 00:35:07,080 That means no fingerprints. 447 00:35:07,092 --> 00:35:10,012 It's obviously worth checking, 448 00:35:10,028 --> 00:35:12,060 but I wouldn't build your hopes too highly. 449 00:35:12,072 --> 00:35:15,008 Thank you. 450 00:35:43,092 --> 00:35:47,008 And then there were four. 451 00:35:48,072 --> 00:35:51,052 I don't think that's very amusing. 452 00:35:51,064 --> 00:35:54,012 Did I say I was amused? 453 00:35:55,088 --> 00:35:57,096 Well, I think it's awful. 454 00:35:59,008 --> 00:36:01,052 Ah. Inspector Barnaby. 455 00:36:07,040 --> 00:36:10,000 Why don't you sit in your usual chair? 456 00:36:10,012 --> 00:36:12,004 Thank you very much. 457 00:36:17,060 --> 00:36:20,020 Please accept my deepest sympathy. 458 00:36:21,068 --> 00:36:24,032 Noted. Appreciated, as ever. 459 00:36:25,088 --> 00:36:28,084 Well, I have to ask the obvious question - 460 00:36:29,000 --> 00:36:31,032 did your brother Frank have any enemies? 461 00:36:36,076 --> 00:36:40,000 Apparently. Otherwise he'd still be alive. 462 00:36:46,064 --> 00:36:50,056 He was nice. Everybody liked him. 463 00:36:51,084 --> 00:36:55,052 Is that the general view around the table? 464 00:36:56,072 --> 00:36:59,020 He had great charm. 465 00:36:59,032 --> 00:37:01,052 Indeed, he had. 466 00:37:04,008 --> 00:37:06,004 Who's in charge of security? 467 00:37:06,016 --> 00:37:08,008 Oh, there isn't any. 468 00:37:08,020 --> 00:37:09,084 We lock the door 469 00:37:10,000 --> 00:37:14,036 but the residents have keys, the staff have keys, we all have keys. 470 00:37:14,056 --> 00:37:18,008 I imagine all the weasels in the wild wood have their own keys. 471 00:37:18,024 --> 00:37:21,032 They probably keep duplicates in their little potting sheds. 472 00:37:21,044 --> 00:37:23,064 Weasels in the wild wood? 473 00:37:23,076 --> 00:37:25,012 As in Wind In The Willows? 474 00:37:25,024 --> 00:37:27,088 Ah, it's my brother's way 475 00:37:28,004 --> 00:37:30,084 of referring to the people of Lower Warden. 476 00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:33,004 Who'd like nothing more than to overrun this place, 477 00:37:33,016 --> 00:37:35,000 the way the weasels do in the book. 478 00:37:35,016 --> 00:37:37,084 I don't think the weasels murdered the inhabitants. 479 00:37:37,096 --> 00:37:39,096 Quite correct. 480 00:37:40,012 --> 00:37:44,000 As I recall it, Mr Toad marshals his forces 481 00:37:44,016 --> 00:37:47,020 and they all mount a very successful counterattack. 482 00:37:47,036 --> 00:37:50,072 To be precise, they whack 'em and whack 'em and whack 'em. 483 00:37:58,072 --> 00:38:00,020 Look. 484 00:38:00,036 --> 00:38:02,076 Two members of your family have now been murdered 485 00:38:02,088 --> 00:38:04,084 in as many days. 486 00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:07,072 And when I talk to you, or to anyone from Upper Warden, 487 00:38:07,084 --> 00:38:09,048 about possible motives, 488 00:38:09,064 --> 00:38:12,056 you all point me in the direction of Lower Warden. 489 00:38:12,072 --> 00:38:16,088 Oh, of course. It's in the natural order of things. 490 00:38:23,056 --> 00:38:28,048 I'm sure you'll forgive me, Mrs Wendy Smythe-Webster, 491 00:38:28,060 --> 00:38:31,032 but it's a time for plain speaking. 492 00:38:31,048 --> 00:38:37,024 I've heard it suggested that you had a sexual relationship 493 00:38:37,036 --> 00:38:38,072 with your late nephew. 494 00:38:40,048 --> 00:38:42,048 Which on the face of it, 495 00:38:42,064 --> 00:38:47,060 would provide your husband with a motive to murder him. 496 00:38:47,076 --> 00:38:51,012 And the graffiti that appeared on the schoolroom wall last night 497 00:38:51,028 --> 00:38:55,016 would suggest that one or other of you three brothers 498 00:38:55,028 --> 00:38:57,016 had an extramarital relationship 499 00:38:57,032 --> 00:39:01,080 with one or the other of your two wives. 500 00:39:01,092 --> 00:39:03,092 Which, if it were Frank, 501 00:39:04,004 --> 00:39:07,024 would give the aggrieved brother 502 00:39:07,036 --> 00:39:12,036 a motive for his murder. 503 00:39:19,024 --> 00:39:20,088 We're a family with secrets, Inspector, 504 00:39:21,000 --> 00:39:23,084 like any other family. 505 00:39:24,000 --> 00:39:27,032 But if those secrets drove any of us to murder, we would do it 506 00:39:27,048 --> 00:39:31,036 the gentleman's way - with a bullet to the brain. 507 00:39:31,048 --> 00:39:33,092 And face to face. 508 00:39:34,008 --> 00:39:38,028 And remember, the main purpose of this family - 509 00:39:38,040 --> 00:39:41,008 perhaps our only purpose - 510 00:39:41,020 --> 00:39:44,028 is survival. 511 00:39:57,048 --> 00:40:00,064 It says "The Shining" 'cause that's what I'd like it to be. 512 00:40:00,076 --> 00:40:02,056 It's my only copy, so... 513 00:40:02,068 --> 00:40:04,048 We'll take good care of it, Darren. 514 00:40:04,060 --> 00:40:06,056 Now - 515 00:40:06,072 --> 00:40:09,024 you were going to go through this list of people 516 00:40:09,036 --> 00:40:11,024 who left flowers for Larry Smith. 517 00:40:12,060 --> 00:40:15,084 Was I? You were, Darren. 518 00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:19,084 And I even bought you a pint to assist your memory. 519 00:40:19,096 --> 00:40:23,092 Well, all right, then. Cheers. 520 00:40:28,092 --> 00:40:32,008 This must be Emily Gaskell. She's from Lower Warden. 521 00:40:32,020 --> 00:40:34,012 Yes, we've met Emily. 522 00:40:34,024 --> 00:40:36,052 But what's a girl from Lower Warden 523 00:40:36,068 --> 00:40:38,088 doing leaving flowers for a Smythe-Webster? 524 00:40:39,000 --> 00:40:41,044 Emily is engaged to Phil Harrison. 525 00:40:41,060 --> 00:40:44,028 He's from Lower Warden. He fixes windmills. 526 00:40:44,044 --> 00:40:46,080 He even lives in one. Windmills? 527 00:40:46,096 --> 00:40:50,068 He fixes anything, really, but mills is what he prefers - 528 00:40:50,084 --> 00:40:55,056 windmills, watermills, Satanic mills maybe. 529 00:40:57,004 --> 00:40:58,056 That's a joke. 530 00:41:00,072 --> 00:41:02,040 Next? 531 00:41:02,052 --> 00:41:04,096 Here's a straight one - Wendy. 532 00:41:05,008 --> 00:41:07,044 Ah, the lady of the house. 533 00:41:07,056 --> 00:41:09,064 And... is she a lady? 534 00:41:10,092 --> 00:41:13,060 From what people say, not entirely. 535 00:41:13,076 --> 00:41:17,008 But that's people, not me. I try not to have opinions. 536 00:41:21,024 --> 00:41:23,032 Darren. Oh, that's me, isn't it? 537 00:41:23,044 --> 00:41:25,048 You know about me. 538 00:41:25,060 --> 00:41:27,060 Not quite. 539 00:41:27,076 --> 00:41:31,028 Are you an Upper Warden man, or a Lower Warden man? 540 00:41:31,040 --> 00:41:33,056 Well, I work mostly in Upper Warden, 541 00:41:33,072 --> 00:41:37,060 but I live mostly with my gran on the edge of Lower Warden. 542 00:41:37,072 --> 00:41:39,084 But you're in the Upper Warden TA? 543 00:41:45,012 --> 00:41:48,068 Well, thank you, Darren. 544 00:41:48,080 --> 00:41:50,096 Isn't there one more thing? 545 00:41:51,012 --> 00:41:53,092 Columbo always has one more thing, doesn't he? 546 00:41:54,004 --> 00:41:55,092 If you insist... 547 00:41:56,004 --> 00:41:58,064 One more thing - 548 00:41:58,076 --> 00:42:01,084 in the TA, do you handle explosives? 549 00:42:38,060 --> 00:42:41,080 Phil Harrison? 550 00:42:41,092 --> 00:42:43,028 Who wants to know? 551 00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:46,012 Sergeant Troy. Causton CID. 552 00:42:47,068 --> 00:42:49,036 Yeah, I'm Phil Harrison. What's your problem? 553 00:42:49,048 --> 00:42:51,064 I thought it might be your problem. 554 00:42:51,080 --> 00:42:56,028 "Larry my lost love. By broken-hearted Emily Gaskell." 555 00:42:56,040 --> 00:42:58,024 Isn't she your girlfriend? 556 00:42:58,036 --> 00:42:59,080 So? 557 00:42:59,096 --> 00:43:02,068 Are you saying nothing happened between her and Larry? 558 00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:04,052 Nothing that bothered me. 559 00:43:04,064 --> 00:43:06,040 If I'd been bothered, 560 00:43:06,056 --> 00:43:08,096 I'd have taken little Larry down some pretty country lane 561 00:43:09,008 --> 00:43:11,072 and punched his lights out. 562 00:43:11,084 --> 00:43:14,000 The squaddy's way. 563 00:43:15,032 --> 00:43:17,076 The squaddy's way? Were you in the army? 564 00:43:17,088 --> 00:43:21,032 Yeah. After I left school. 565 00:43:21,048 --> 00:43:24,032 Do you have experience of explosives? 566 00:43:24,044 --> 00:43:27,028 Obviously. It's the job. 567 00:43:27,044 --> 00:43:32,008 You can't do proper peacekeeping without guns and bombs and stuff. 568 00:43:32,024 --> 00:43:34,096 Where were you when the bomb went off, as a matter of interest? 569 00:43:35,012 --> 00:43:39,004 I was here, preserving the nation's heritage. 570 00:43:39,016 --> 00:43:41,004 Heard the bang. 571 00:43:41,016 --> 00:43:43,068 Do you do any work at the big house? 572 00:43:43,084 --> 00:43:46,048 Yeah, I got a roofing job on at the moment, as it happens. 573 00:43:46,064 --> 00:43:49,080 We can't pick and choose. We go where the jobs are. 574 00:43:49,096 --> 00:43:52,028 Can I get on with the work now, please? 575 00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:55,000 And I'll get on with mine. 576 00:44:20,044 --> 00:44:21,092 How long you worked here, Darren? 577 00:44:22,004 --> 00:44:24,084 I don't work here. I just help out. 578 00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:28,076 Same as I do at Mr Wilson's bookshop. 579 00:44:28,088 --> 00:44:30,084 I'm basically a freelance. 580 00:44:30,096 --> 00:44:32,060 Freelance what? 581 00:44:32,076 --> 00:44:35,084 Don't laugh. I've no intention of laughing. 582 00:44:35,096 --> 00:44:38,008 I want to be a film director. 583 00:44:40,088 --> 00:44:43,044 Set that aside for the moment. 584 00:44:43,060 --> 00:44:46,092 The other night you were working, you were helping out as a night porter? 585 00:44:47,004 --> 00:44:48,040 Yes. 586 00:44:48,052 --> 00:44:50,052 Did you see anyone come and go? 587 00:44:50,064 --> 00:44:52,000 Not really. 588 00:44:52,016 --> 00:44:54,052 I came on at midnight, and everybody was in by then. 589 00:44:54,068 --> 00:44:57,092 So, basically I went to sleep in the little office there. 590 00:44:58,008 --> 00:45:00,088 There's a bell you can ring if anybody has an emergency. 591 00:45:04,040 --> 00:45:05,096 But nobody rang any bells last night? 592 00:45:06,008 --> 00:45:09,012 Only Danny. Danny the chef. 593 00:45:09,028 --> 00:45:12,036 He came in at six to start doing the breakfast and he rang the bell. 594 00:45:12,048 --> 00:45:14,048 But that was more of a joke. 595 00:45:14,060 --> 00:45:17,020 He's a great joker, our Danny. 596 00:45:17,032 --> 00:45:18,072 Danny here now? 597 00:45:18,084 --> 00:45:20,076 He's in the kitchen. 598 00:45:25,016 --> 00:45:27,012 You talk to him, Troy. 599 00:45:27,028 --> 00:45:30,036 I'm going to meet the weasels in the wild wood. 600 00:45:30,052 --> 00:45:32,020 Weasels? I think it's time we heard 601 00:45:32,032 --> 00:45:35,048 the Lower Warden side of the story. 602 00:45:56,084 --> 00:45:58,084 CAT MIAOWS 603 00:46:26,060 --> 00:46:28,080 What's this? 604 00:46:28,096 --> 00:46:32,044 Are we going to read about more nights of passion? 605 00:46:32,056 --> 00:46:34,024 You must be Danny? 606 00:46:34,036 --> 00:46:36,004 That's me. 607 00:46:38,004 --> 00:46:41,024 Sergeant Troy. Causton CID. 608 00:46:41,036 --> 00:46:43,040 Do you know Chief Inspector Barnaby? 609 00:46:43,052 --> 00:46:44,088 Yeah - he's my boss. 610 00:46:45,000 --> 00:46:46,068 I've got something for him. 611 00:46:51,044 --> 00:46:54,056 You finished here? 612 00:46:54,068 --> 00:46:56,044 Have you a statement for the press? 613 00:46:56,056 --> 00:46:59,004 Yeah. Push off. 614 00:47:10,044 --> 00:47:13,048 That's for Mrs Barnaby. I'm sorry? 615 00:47:13,064 --> 00:47:16,008 She was here for the opening ceremony dressed as a milkmaid? 616 00:47:16,020 --> 00:47:17,096 I believe so. 617 00:47:18,012 --> 00:47:20,052 She admired my meatballs and I promised to give her the recipe. 618 00:47:20,064 --> 00:47:22,084 Well, thank you, Danny. 619 00:47:22,096 --> 00:47:25,012 I'll pass it on. 620 00:47:58,092 --> 00:48:02,024 The police are not my favourite people. 621 00:48:02,040 --> 00:48:05,020 But if the Smythe-Websters are shovelling dirt all over us, 622 00:48:05,036 --> 00:48:08,036 I'll do what I can to put the record straight. 623 00:48:08,052 --> 00:48:14,000 I hear tell that Ellis Bell was a Lower Warden man 624 00:48:14,016 --> 00:48:17,032 and that you people from Lower Warden 625 00:48:17,048 --> 00:48:20,076 are very aggrieved at the way the Smythe-Websters 626 00:48:20,092 --> 00:48:23,012 have appropriated him. MOTORBIKE 627 00:48:27,056 --> 00:48:30,044 Ellis Bell. 628 00:48:30,056 --> 00:48:33,016 Born out of wedlock here. 629 00:48:33,028 --> 00:48:36,028 In Lower Warden in 1867. 630 00:48:36,040 --> 00:48:38,068 Died in poverty. In Causton, 631 00:48:38,080 --> 00:48:40,068 in 1930. 632 00:48:40,080 --> 00:48:42,016 The year of the great slump. 633 00:48:42,028 --> 00:48:44,000 Out of wedlock? 634 00:48:44,016 --> 00:48:48,060 His mother worked at the big house in Upper Warden. 635 00:48:48,076 --> 00:48:51,052 She was seduced by the son of the house. 636 00:48:51,068 --> 00:48:55,016 The Smythe-Websters denied paternity. 637 00:48:55,032 --> 00:48:57,096 But later they helped young Ellis Bell to get work as a teacher. 638 00:48:58,012 --> 00:49:01,000 So I think that's a guilty plea, don't you? 639 00:49:01,016 --> 00:49:04,004 Anyway, it's all in the book. £9.99. 640 00:49:04,016 --> 00:49:06,092 Oh, please. Thank you. 641 00:49:07,008 --> 00:49:11,016 It looks very different from the book of the film. 642 00:49:11,032 --> 00:49:17,008 That's because the original is an old-fashioned socialist novel. 643 00:49:17,024 --> 00:49:21,092 He calls it The House Of Satan because he saw the Smythe-Websters 644 00:49:22,008 --> 00:49:24,060 as totally corrupt from top to bottom. 645 00:49:24,076 --> 00:49:28,064 They took our book and turned it into a cut-price horror movie. 646 00:49:28,080 --> 00:49:32,088 So you're not one of the world's greatest admirers 647 00:49:33,000 --> 00:49:34,088 of the Smythe-Websters, then? 648 00:49:35,004 --> 00:49:40,012 Everything we have of value, they steal. 649 00:49:40,028 --> 00:49:44,064 We deal in truth. And they deal in power. 650 00:49:47,088 --> 00:49:50,088 Whose idea was it to make the movie? 651 00:49:51,004 --> 00:49:54,020 Ask Jack Wilson. The bard of Upper Warden. 652 00:49:54,036 --> 00:49:56,044 Oh, the editor of the Church newsletter? 653 00:49:56,056 --> 00:49:59,088 And a failed writer. 654 00:50:00,004 --> 00:50:04,092 The most dangerous animal in the jungle, a failed writer. 655 00:50:05,004 --> 00:50:08,020 If you hate these people so much... 656 00:50:08,032 --> 00:50:11,068 Would I consider murdering them? 657 00:50:11,080 --> 00:50:16,008 No. I'm a card-carrying peacenik. 658 00:50:16,024 --> 00:50:19,076 Check with MI5. Ask them about Sarah Proudie. 659 00:50:19,092 --> 00:50:23,096 They'll tell you. Let me give you a bag for that. 660 00:50:30,064 --> 00:50:33,052 Is the spray can mightier than the sword? 661 00:50:34,064 --> 00:50:36,076 Well, it doesn't kill people. 662 00:50:36,092 --> 00:50:40,012 And you're familiar with the Book of Leviticus? 663 00:50:40,028 --> 00:50:45,000 I didn't reject the Bible without reading it first. 664 00:50:45,016 --> 00:50:48,008 What sort of woman do you think I am? 665 00:50:48,020 --> 00:50:50,056 GRINDER WHIRRS 666 00:50:59,032 --> 00:51:01,012 Have you always been a chef? 667 00:51:01,024 --> 00:51:03,068 It's the only job I've ever done. 668 00:51:03,084 --> 00:51:05,072 And you came here straight from school? 669 00:51:07,076 --> 00:51:11,032 Ah... Not exactly. 670 00:51:11,048 --> 00:51:14,084 We're very good at guilty secrets, Danny. 671 00:51:15,000 --> 00:51:18,064 It's not a secret. It was in the local papers. 672 00:51:22,032 --> 00:51:24,032 I learned to cook when I was in borstal. 673 00:51:24,044 --> 00:51:26,048 Ah, the cricket pavilion. 674 00:51:26,064 --> 00:51:31,084 You heard about that, did you? I didn't do it, of course. 675 00:51:31,096 --> 00:51:33,032 I suppose they all say that. 676 00:51:33,044 --> 00:51:35,068 Yeah. They do all say that. 677 00:51:35,084 --> 00:51:38,040 But when I came out, Mr Rupert gave me a job here. 678 00:51:38,056 --> 00:51:42,024 Hey, rehabilitation works - I am the living proof. 679 00:51:42,040 --> 00:51:44,096 He even sent me on a management course last year. 680 00:51:45,012 --> 00:51:47,032 I could end up running the whole caboodle for the family. 681 00:51:47,044 --> 00:51:50,048 Chief executive. That'd be a laugh. 682 00:51:50,064 --> 00:51:54,000 And there's no reason why you should want to murder 683 00:51:54,012 --> 00:51:56,060 Larry Smith or Frank Webster? 684 00:51:56,076 --> 00:51:59,048 Smythe-Websters might be a bunch of chinless tossers, 685 00:51:59,060 --> 00:52:03,048 but they've been very good to me. 686 00:52:06,092 --> 00:52:08,092 Sit yourself down. 687 00:52:21,024 --> 00:52:23,072 Lovely things, don't you reckon? 688 00:52:23,084 --> 00:52:25,040 Are they yours? 689 00:52:25,056 --> 00:52:28,064 Yeah. Sort of extended loan from Mr Rupert. 690 00:52:28,076 --> 00:52:30,064 Must be worth a bit? 691 00:52:30,076 --> 00:52:33,020 Around 50 grand each, I believe. 692 00:52:33,032 --> 00:52:36,028 And what did you do to deserve this? 693 00:52:36,040 --> 00:52:40,028 He never had kids of his own. 694 00:52:40,044 --> 00:52:43,052 So I'm a sort of mate, see? Make him laugh. 695 00:52:43,068 --> 00:52:47,024 Go on, ask around. Everybody likes Danny. 696 00:52:55,028 --> 00:52:58,000 Lunch? Oh, thank you. 697 00:52:58,012 --> 00:52:59,080 Any joy at the manor? 698 00:52:59,096 --> 00:53:02,092 Both Danny and Darren were in the right places at the right times 699 00:53:03,004 --> 00:53:04,072 for both murders. 700 00:53:04,088 --> 00:53:08,040 Motives? Darren's an obsessive nerd with a grudge against Frank Webster 701 00:53:08,056 --> 00:53:11,040 for not giving him a job on the movie, 702 00:53:11,056 --> 00:53:13,072 but I can't see him as a cold-blooded killer. 703 00:53:13,084 --> 00:53:15,060 What about the video he gave you? 704 00:53:15,072 --> 00:53:17,048 It was The Shining. 705 00:53:19,060 --> 00:53:22,008 He apologised. He got his labels mixed up. 706 00:53:22,024 --> 00:53:25,000 He's bringing the right one in later. And Danny the chef? 707 00:53:25,016 --> 00:53:29,080 Oh, he asked me to give this recipe to Mrs Barnaby. 708 00:53:31,084 --> 00:53:34,072 They were getting on like a house on fire, apparently. 709 00:53:34,088 --> 00:53:37,084 Till the bomb went off. Where were they? Thank you. 710 00:53:37,096 --> 00:53:40,076 God, these are bloody disgusting. 711 00:53:40,088 --> 00:53:42,088 Best I could get, sir. From the pub. 712 00:53:43,000 --> 00:53:44,084 Tell me about Danny. 713 00:53:44,096 --> 00:53:48,012 Well, he seems very popular. 714 00:53:48,028 --> 00:53:51,072 I mean, everybody likes him. He said so himself. 715 00:53:51,088 --> 00:53:53,092 And he's well in with the family. Especially Rupert. 716 00:53:54,004 --> 00:53:57,088 Is he now? 717 00:53:58,004 --> 00:54:00,060 And when two of the natural heirs to the estate are murdered, 718 00:54:00,076 --> 00:54:04,072 it doesn't occur to you that he might be getting a little impatient? 719 00:54:04,088 --> 00:54:08,056 Or possibly carrying out the wishes of his master. 720 00:54:10,044 --> 00:54:13,036 How'd you get on with the weasels? 721 00:54:13,052 --> 00:54:18,008 I know now who put your Russian goalie on our door. 722 00:54:18,020 --> 00:54:19,068 Oh, yeah? Who's that? 723 00:54:19,084 --> 00:54:23,076 Sarah Proudie, curator of the Ellis Bell Museum. 724 00:54:23,096 --> 00:54:27,028 Either because she knows something about the Smythe-Webster family we do not, 725 00:54:27,044 --> 00:54:32,016 or because she wants to divert our attention away from Lower Warden. 726 00:54:32,032 --> 00:54:37,020 She also told me that the person most resentful about the film 727 00:54:37,032 --> 00:54:41,056 was the bookshop owner, Jack Wilson. 728 00:54:44,020 --> 00:54:45,072 BELL CLATTERS 729 00:54:51,008 --> 00:54:53,080 Hello? 730 00:54:53,092 --> 00:54:56,056 Afternoon, Mr Wilson. 731 00:55:00,056 --> 00:55:03,096 Forgive the mess. I wasn't expecting company. 732 00:55:04,012 --> 00:55:08,072 This is just a routine confirm-or-deny question. 733 00:55:08,084 --> 00:55:11,024 Is it true that it was your idea 734 00:55:11,040 --> 00:55:14,008 to make a film based on Ellis Bell's book? 735 00:55:14,020 --> 00:55:16,008 It's no secret. 736 00:55:16,020 --> 00:55:18,004 Tell us what happened. 737 00:55:19,080 --> 00:55:21,084 I bought a copy of the book 738 00:55:22,000 --> 00:55:23,088 when Sarah Proudie brought out that reprint. 739 00:55:24,000 --> 00:55:26,008 I took it to Mr Smythe-Webster, 740 00:55:26,024 --> 00:55:28,048 suggesting that it might make a successful film, 741 00:55:28,064 --> 00:55:31,028 and why didn't he show it to his brother Frank? 742 00:55:31,044 --> 00:55:36,036 I met Mr Webster. He liked the title. 743 00:55:36,048 --> 00:55:37,084 And? 744 00:55:50,092 --> 00:55:55,032 He encouraged me to write this. 745 00:55:55,048 --> 00:55:58,052 "The House Of Satan. Screenplay by Jack Wilson." 746 00:55:58,064 --> 00:56:01,072 A year later, the film unit arrived. 747 00:56:01,088 --> 00:56:06,020 They used a screenplay written by some chap he'd been at school with. 748 00:56:06,036 --> 00:56:09,016 And, as you probably know, they turned it into a horror film. 749 00:56:09,028 --> 00:56:11,056 Did they pay you anything? 750 00:56:11,068 --> 00:56:13,052 Not a penny. 751 00:56:13,068 --> 00:56:15,056 I could have had two days' work as an extra, 752 00:56:15,072 --> 00:56:19,008 playing the part of a corpse. But I declined. 753 00:56:24,032 --> 00:56:27,068 Is that part of your duplicating machine, Mr Wilson? 754 00:56:27,080 --> 00:56:29,044 No. 755 00:56:29,056 --> 00:56:31,076 You find me working in my capacity 756 00:56:31,092 --> 00:56:36,084 as Honorary Armourer of the Upper Warden Territorial Army. 757 00:56:52,000 --> 00:56:55,080 Do you keep live ammunition here, Mr Wilson? 758 00:56:55,096 --> 00:56:58,012 I'm permitted to dispense blank ammunition 759 00:56:58,024 --> 00:57:00,044 for the purposes of field exercises. 760 00:57:00,060 --> 00:57:03,012 But live rounds - for use on the firing range - 761 00:57:03,028 --> 00:57:06,024 may only be released on the authority of the Major. 762 00:57:06,040 --> 00:57:09,028 Major Rupert Smythe-Webster. Yes, sir. 763 00:57:09,040 --> 00:57:10,076 Those are thunderflashes. 764 00:57:10,088 --> 00:57:12,032 Just glorified fireworks. 765 00:57:14,044 --> 00:57:17,032 Do you have an inventory? 766 00:57:27,040 --> 00:57:29,052 You've been very keen, Mr Wilson, 767 00:57:29,064 --> 00:57:32,064 to blame the people from Lower Warden 768 00:57:32,076 --> 00:57:34,032 for these killings, 769 00:57:34,048 --> 00:57:39,056 even though you yourself have even greater reason to feel betrayed. 770 00:57:39,072 --> 00:57:42,060 You refused to work on the film, you say. 771 00:57:42,076 --> 00:57:46,032 Yet you were there on the day of Larry's death. 772 00:57:46,044 --> 00:57:48,096 Dressed as a village blacksmith. 773 00:57:49,008 --> 00:57:50,064 Life's too short to bear grudges. 774 00:57:50,076 --> 00:57:52,020 There's one of these missing, sir. 775 00:57:53,072 --> 00:57:56,024 There'd be more than enough explosive in a box 776 00:57:56,036 --> 00:57:57,076 to blow up the summerhouse. 777 00:57:57,088 --> 00:58:00,024 I had nothing to do with that. 778 00:58:00,040 --> 00:58:02,004 How do you account for the missing box? 779 00:58:02,016 --> 00:58:04,000 I didn't know it was gone. 780 00:58:04,012 --> 00:58:06,028 Who else has a key? 781 00:58:07,092 --> 00:58:09,060 Only the Major, sir. 782 00:58:17,056 --> 00:58:20,052 Mrs Smythe-Webster? 783 00:58:21,084 --> 00:58:24,000 Good afternoon. 784 00:58:26,096 --> 00:58:30,020 What's this? Window shopping as therapy, is it? 785 00:58:30,036 --> 00:58:34,048 No. I just thought it might take my mind off things. 786 00:58:34,060 --> 00:58:36,028 Does it? 787 00:58:36,044 --> 00:58:39,004 Not really. MOBILE RINGS 788 00:58:39,016 --> 00:58:41,052 Troy. 789 00:58:43,080 --> 00:58:46,012 Now that we're well away from the big house, 790 00:58:46,024 --> 00:58:48,064 I have to ask you a rude question. 791 00:58:48,076 --> 00:58:50,052 Another one? 792 00:58:50,068 --> 00:58:53,076 Did you have an affair with your husband's brother? 793 00:58:56,036 --> 00:58:58,076 Which one? Simon or Frank? 794 00:59:00,028 --> 00:59:02,052 Well... either. 795 00:59:02,064 --> 00:59:04,036 No, neither. 796 00:59:06,012 --> 00:59:08,048 Simon's a vicar. 797 00:59:08,060 --> 00:59:12,048 And Frank had sweaty feet. 798 00:59:12,060 --> 00:59:14,060 I like that, don't you? 799 00:59:16,024 --> 00:59:18,092 Would you call that beige? 800 00:59:19,004 --> 00:59:20,044 Sir. 801 00:59:21,080 --> 00:59:26,036 You need another word with your sergeant, Mr Barnaby. 802 00:59:26,048 --> 00:59:28,084 So I do. Excuse me. 803 00:59:32,096 --> 00:59:35,044 I got the list of telephone numbers that the late Frank Webster 804 00:59:35,056 --> 00:59:36,096 called from his mobile. 805 00:59:37,012 --> 00:59:39,052 Good. Mostly to his office in London 806 00:59:39,068 --> 00:59:42,032 and also a film company in Los Angeles. 807 00:59:42,048 --> 00:59:47,016 But also to Sarah Proudie and Phil Harrison in Lower Warden. 808 00:59:47,032 --> 00:59:49,096 Phil Harrison who lives in the windmill? That's right. 809 00:59:50,008 --> 00:59:51,064 I trust you are leaping into action. 810 00:59:51,080 --> 00:59:54,024 I'm meeting Phil for a drink this evening. In The Chapel. 811 00:59:54,040 --> 00:59:56,076 That's excellent. You keep him occupied in the pub 812 00:59:56,088 --> 01:00:00,040 whist I check up on the windmill. 813 01:00:50,080 --> 01:00:54,048 Too little too late. 814 01:00:54,064 --> 01:01:00,032 And besides... you're dealing with the wrong person. 815 01:01:00,044 --> 01:01:04,012 Sorry. Am I interrupting? 816 01:01:04,024 --> 01:01:06,012 I'm looking for The Chapel. 817 01:01:06,028 --> 01:01:08,052 Smart money says it's the building across the street 818 01:01:08,064 --> 01:01:10,052 that looks very much like a chapel. 819 01:01:10,068 --> 01:01:12,088 Though it hasn't been a chapel for 50 years or more. 820 01:01:13,004 --> 01:01:17,088 We've never had much time for God in Lower Warden. 821 01:01:18,000 --> 01:01:21,008 He doesn't seem to be on our side. 822 01:01:22,056 --> 01:01:24,008 Thank you. 823 01:01:27,036 --> 01:01:29,056 It was a nice try, Rupert. 824 01:01:29,068 --> 01:01:31,092 But you're much too late. 825 01:01:32,004 --> 01:01:34,000 A thousand years too late? 826 01:01:35,084 --> 01:01:39,012 Oh, you see, you do understand. 827 01:01:58,076 --> 01:02:00,044 Fancy a game? 828 01:02:00,060 --> 01:02:03,048 I was supposed to be playing a mate, but he isn't here yet. 829 01:02:05,096 --> 01:02:08,004 I'm here on business. 830 01:02:08,016 --> 01:02:09,052 You can have a game of pool 831 01:02:09,068 --> 01:02:12,060 and do your cross-examination at the same time. 832 01:02:12,072 --> 01:02:14,060 Loser buys the drinks. How's that? 833 01:03:07,000 --> 01:03:08,048 Bastard! 834 01:03:25,040 --> 01:03:28,072 Frank Webster made a series of phone calls to you this week. 835 01:03:28,084 --> 01:03:30,064 What were they about? 836 01:03:30,076 --> 01:03:32,048 The windmill. 837 01:03:32,060 --> 01:03:34,072 The windmill? 838 01:03:34,088 --> 01:03:39,008 Yeah, he wanted a windmill for The House Of Satan 2. 839 01:03:39,024 --> 01:03:42,084 So the villain could die a horrible death. 840 01:03:43,000 --> 01:03:46,096 Still... I don't suppose he'll be wanting that now, 841 01:03:47,008 --> 01:03:48,096 the way things have turned out. 842 01:03:49,012 --> 01:03:51,088 Stranger in town breaks. OK. 843 01:04:03,096 --> 01:04:05,052 Whoa! 844 01:04:05,064 --> 01:04:07,000 We have a hustler in our midst. 845 01:04:07,012 --> 01:04:09,048 Minnesota Troy. 846 01:04:11,068 --> 01:04:13,024 Are you his mate? 847 01:04:13,036 --> 01:04:16,056 Yeah, sure, why not? 848 01:04:16,068 --> 01:04:19,028 We go back a long way. 849 01:04:19,044 --> 01:04:22,072 You've got your feet well under the table at the manor. 850 01:04:22,092 --> 01:04:25,096 Chief-executive-in-waiting. Are you still welcome in Lower Warden? 851 01:04:26,012 --> 01:04:28,096 All that stuff's what the old farts tell you. 852 01:04:29,012 --> 01:04:33,016 No, we haven't burned down a castle for what? 500 years? 853 01:04:33,032 --> 01:04:37,052 Not a castle, maybe. But what about a cricket pavilion? 854 01:04:50,032 --> 01:04:53,004 Same again? Why, thank you, Sergeant. 855 01:04:53,016 --> 01:04:55,072 That's very decent of you. 856 01:04:58,048 --> 01:05:00,048 Having a bad night? 857 01:05:00,064 --> 01:05:03,028 Pool's not really my game. We noticed. 858 01:05:03,044 --> 01:05:07,012 That's the secret. We all have to find our natural game. 859 01:05:07,024 --> 01:05:08,088 Like nights of passion. 860 01:05:09,004 --> 01:05:13,040 What's your natural game? Winning the class war? 861 01:05:14,084 --> 01:05:17,072 That's a bit 1960s. 862 01:05:17,088 --> 01:05:20,024 But I suppose that was before your time. 863 01:05:53,016 --> 01:05:55,064 TYRE HISSES 864 01:06:08,024 --> 01:06:10,020 Mr Barnaby! 865 01:06:13,048 --> 01:06:16,036 What do you want? 866 01:06:16,052 --> 01:06:19,060 I can't talk about it out here on account that it's private. 867 01:06:19,076 --> 01:06:22,000 And it might lead to an early arrest. 868 01:06:22,016 --> 01:06:25,080 Oh, then make it quick. Sergeant Troy will see to you. 869 01:06:34,076 --> 01:06:37,084 You'll need your notebook. 870 01:06:37,096 --> 01:06:40,048 And your tape recorder. 871 01:06:40,064 --> 01:06:44,092 Tape recorder? This has to be on record. 872 01:06:45,004 --> 01:06:46,072 What has? 873 01:06:47,092 --> 01:06:51,048 Isn't it obvious? I've come to confess. 874 01:06:56,008 --> 01:06:58,008 RECORDER CLICKS ON 875 01:06:59,064 --> 01:07:02,004 There have been two murders, Darren. 876 01:07:02,020 --> 01:07:07,000 Which one are you holding your hand up to? 877 01:07:07,012 --> 01:07:09,004 Or did you do both? 878 01:07:14,056 --> 01:07:16,052 I let your tyres down. 879 01:07:16,064 --> 01:07:19,076 It's an old tradition. 880 01:07:19,092 --> 01:07:22,052 Once a month someone from Upper Warden goes 881 01:07:22,068 --> 01:07:25,004 to Lower Warden and does something bad. 882 01:07:25,020 --> 01:07:27,084 This month it was my turn, so I let your tyres down. 883 01:07:28,000 --> 01:07:30,036 But I thought it was a Lower Warden car. 884 01:07:30,048 --> 01:07:32,040 I didn't realise it was yours. 885 01:07:36,088 --> 01:07:39,060 Well, Darren, I think this is a case where we can 886 01:07:39,076 --> 01:07:44,060 exercise our discretion and let you go with a caution. 887 01:07:44,076 --> 01:07:47,068 Don't you want to hear the other stuff? 888 01:07:47,080 --> 01:07:49,040 What other stuff? 889 01:07:49,056 --> 01:07:53,088 Like what I saw in Lower Warden after I let your tyres down. 890 01:07:54,000 --> 01:07:56,020 What did you see? 891 01:07:58,000 --> 01:08:00,044 I was lurking across the street. 892 01:08:00,060 --> 01:08:04,000 I don't see it as lurking, but some people do. 893 01:08:04,016 --> 01:08:06,028 And I saw Danny and Phil come out of The Chapel. 894 01:08:06,040 --> 01:08:08,076 And they were having a right set-to. 895 01:08:11,020 --> 01:08:12,068 So where was the money, Phil? 896 01:08:12,080 --> 01:08:14,084 He didn't give me any money. 897 01:08:14,096 --> 01:08:17,032 LAUGHTER DROWNS SPEECH 898 01:08:17,048 --> 01:08:22,084 Don't cross me. I'll see you in the morning. 899 01:08:25,056 --> 01:08:27,048 Were they arguing about money? 900 01:08:27,060 --> 01:08:30,008 Definitely about money. 901 01:08:30,024 --> 01:08:33,092 Have you collected any other stuff in the course of your lurking? 902 01:08:35,064 --> 01:08:38,016 I brought my videos. 903 01:08:38,032 --> 01:08:40,040 I make fly-on-the-wall documentaries. 904 01:08:40,052 --> 01:08:44,012 It's like lurking with a camera. 905 01:08:44,024 --> 01:08:45,060 Here. 906 01:08:45,076 --> 01:08:48,020 That's the one you've been waiting for. 907 01:08:48,036 --> 01:08:51,008 The opening ceremony of The Satanic Experience. 908 01:08:51,024 --> 01:08:54,008 The explosion looks really good on that one. 909 01:08:54,024 --> 01:08:56,060 What do you do with these after you've made them? 910 01:08:56,076 --> 01:09:00,028 I put them on my website and hope I'll be talent-spotted. 911 01:09:00,044 --> 01:09:04,004 The trouble is I don't know what's on all of them. 912 01:09:04,020 --> 01:09:07,064 Your best plan might be to suck it and see. 913 01:09:16,096 --> 01:09:20,080 This is when they made The House Of Satan last year. 914 01:09:24,028 --> 01:09:27,052 On the first day of shooting they held a bit of a party 915 01:09:27,068 --> 01:09:31,016 so the locals could meet Larry Smith. 916 01:09:34,020 --> 01:09:36,016 Is that Sarah Proudie? 917 01:09:36,028 --> 01:09:38,056 Yeah, Mrs Proudie was there. 918 01:09:38,068 --> 01:09:40,036 Mrs Proudie? Is she married? 919 01:09:40,048 --> 01:09:43,028 I think she was. 920 01:09:43,044 --> 01:09:47,012 Called herself "Ms" ever since she got liberated. 921 01:09:47,024 --> 01:09:48,092 Are they having a row? 922 01:09:49,004 --> 01:09:50,080 They might have been. 923 01:09:53,092 --> 01:09:56,048 There's not much more of this. 924 01:10:00,048 --> 01:10:02,096 Sorry - it's an old tape. 925 01:10:03,012 --> 01:10:06,076 We shot this bit before the microphone went kaput. 926 01:10:06,088 --> 01:10:08,088 Is that Phil Harrison? 927 01:10:09,000 --> 01:10:11,048 Yeah. He's brilliant. 928 01:10:11,064 --> 01:10:14,016 He generally wins when he's on field. 929 01:10:14,032 --> 01:10:17,076 Danny's brilliant as well, but he's better on the flat. 930 01:10:17,088 --> 01:10:19,076 They got identical bikes. 931 01:10:22,048 --> 01:10:26,028 But they would - they've always been mates. 932 01:10:26,040 --> 01:10:30,028 Darren, you are a prince amongst men. 933 01:10:44,012 --> 01:10:46,008 What are we looking for, sir? 934 01:10:46,024 --> 01:10:50,000 The row Darren witnessed outside The Chapel after you'd left 935 01:10:50,012 --> 01:10:51,084 wasn't just about money. 936 01:10:51,096 --> 01:10:54,064 I think it was villains falling out. 937 01:10:54,080 --> 01:10:57,056 I saw Danny come here last night to collect something. 938 01:10:57,072 --> 01:11:01,008 It must have been money. It must have been from the Smythe-Websters. 939 01:11:01,020 --> 01:11:02,056 But he didn't find it. 940 01:11:02,068 --> 01:11:05,012 So something obviously went wrong. 941 01:11:05,028 --> 01:11:08,048 Are we talking blackmail? Blackmail. Money with menaces. 942 01:11:08,064 --> 01:11:11,092 Pay up or we carry on murdering your family. 943 01:11:12,008 --> 01:11:13,084 Danny's expecting his share of the money, 944 01:11:13,096 --> 01:11:17,048 and instead he finds... 945 01:11:17,060 --> 01:11:19,096 He finds this. 946 01:11:37,012 --> 01:11:38,092 These murders, Danny. 947 01:11:40,060 --> 01:11:42,008 Yes, sir? 948 01:11:42,020 --> 01:11:45,072 We can't go on like this, can we? 949 01:11:45,088 --> 01:11:49,008 We're going to run out of family, aren't we, sir? 950 01:11:50,032 --> 01:11:53,076 You've got such a sweet way of putting things, Danny. 951 01:11:53,092 --> 01:11:57,000 Have you found us anything in Lower Warden? 952 01:11:57,012 --> 01:11:59,032 I made a bit of progress. 953 01:11:59,048 --> 01:12:01,060 You might say my inquiries are ongoing. 954 01:12:03,084 --> 01:12:07,048 I tried opening negotiations with Sarah Proudie, 955 01:12:07,064 --> 01:12:12,020 but she indicated I was talking to the wrong person. 956 01:12:12,032 --> 01:12:14,032 Ms Proudie knows most 957 01:12:14,048 --> 01:12:16,064 of what goes on in Lower Warden, sir, 958 01:12:16,080 --> 01:12:20,056 but I don't think she approves of it all, if you see what I mean. 959 01:12:20,068 --> 01:12:23,072 The whole thing's so ghastly. 960 01:12:23,084 --> 01:12:27,068 I'm sure it's affecting my nails. 961 01:12:49,052 --> 01:12:53,092 Take that. I'll join you later. 962 01:13:07,000 --> 01:13:08,048 Mrs Smythe-Webster. 963 01:13:10,008 --> 01:13:12,056 Good morning. 964 01:13:12,072 --> 01:13:15,064 I can't remember when I last experienced a good morning. 965 01:13:21,036 --> 01:13:25,004 You were trying to scrub the graffiti off the wall, weren't you? 966 01:13:25,016 --> 01:13:28,020 Yes. 967 01:13:28,036 --> 01:13:31,032 You seemed to think it was a reference to Wendy. 968 01:13:31,044 --> 01:13:33,064 She was very upset about that. 969 01:13:33,076 --> 01:13:35,080 She's actually very sensitive. 970 01:13:35,092 --> 01:13:37,080 Stupid, but sensitive. 971 01:13:37,096 --> 01:13:41,004 But if it wasn't a reference to her, then... 972 01:13:47,060 --> 01:13:49,060 It was me, Inspector. 973 01:13:51,008 --> 01:13:56,036 Mine was the nakedness that was uncovered. 974 01:13:56,048 --> 01:14:00,032 I see. 975 01:14:00,044 --> 01:14:03,008 Well, I have to ask you - 976 01:14:03,020 --> 01:14:05,088 which brother? 977 01:14:06,000 --> 01:14:10,088 Goodness me. Frank, of course. 978 01:14:13,076 --> 01:14:17,084 Frank was funny. He made me laugh. 979 01:14:17,096 --> 01:14:20,092 I don't laugh very easily. 980 01:14:22,048 --> 01:14:24,084 Was this recently? 981 01:14:26,092 --> 01:14:28,080 Over 20 years ago. 982 01:14:30,088 --> 01:14:35,016 Are you telling me that Lawrence was... 983 01:14:35,028 --> 01:14:37,056 Yes. 984 01:14:39,056 --> 01:14:42,084 Lawrence was Frank's son. 985 01:14:45,016 --> 01:14:47,016 Did your husband know about all this? 986 01:14:47,028 --> 01:14:50,084 Oh, yes. 987 01:14:51,000 --> 01:14:56,080 How did he feel about it? How does he feel about it? 988 01:14:56,092 --> 01:15:00,084 He hated Frank. Hated Lawrence. 989 01:15:00,096 --> 01:15:03,080 He probably hates me. 990 01:15:03,092 --> 01:15:06,068 But we never talk about it. 991 01:15:08,076 --> 01:15:11,036 Do you think that your husband 992 01:15:11,052 --> 01:15:16,088 killed Lawrence, and then killed Frank? 993 01:15:17,000 --> 01:15:19,076 No. 994 01:15:19,092 --> 01:15:23,060 Though I don't think he'd object strenuously 995 01:15:23,072 --> 01:15:25,068 if somebody else did it for him. 996 01:15:25,080 --> 01:15:28,092 Simon is resolutely Christian. 997 01:15:29,004 --> 01:15:32,012 Everything is God's will. 998 01:15:32,028 --> 01:15:36,008 It's a very convenient way of looking at things really. 999 01:15:36,024 --> 01:15:40,032 It means that nothing is ever anyone's fault. 1000 01:15:40,044 --> 01:15:46,000 That is a wicked distortion. 1001 01:15:48,028 --> 01:15:51,000 Life in the big house, Inspector. 1002 01:15:51,012 --> 01:15:52,048 Laura, please! 1003 01:15:59,052 --> 01:16:04,012 I'm going to pray. You can join me if you wish. 1004 01:16:39,040 --> 01:16:44,056 You've really made Ellis Bell your mission in life, haven't you? 1005 01:16:44,072 --> 01:16:46,088 I'm Ellis Bell's great-granddaughter. 1006 01:16:47,000 --> 01:16:50,012 Oh, I see. 1007 01:16:50,024 --> 01:16:53,036 You say... 1008 01:16:53,052 --> 01:16:56,028 In your preface to the new edition of The House Of Satan 1009 01:16:56,044 --> 01:16:59,048 that when that book first appeared in 1897 1010 01:16:59,064 --> 01:17:03,072 the Smythe-Websters of the day bought out the publishers. 1011 01:17:03,088 --> 01:17:06,020 Bought the publishers and burned the books. 1012 01:17:06,036 --> 01:17:09,096 They had a huge bonfire in the grounds of the big house. 1013 01:17:10,012 --> 01:17:13,032 And then a hundred years later, they stole it back, 1014 01:17:13,048 --> 01:17:17,028 corrupted it, and made their millions. 1015 01:17:17,044 --> 01:17:19,056 They took a classic and crapped all over it. 1016 01:17:19,072 --> 01:17:22,028 Is that what you said to Mr Rupert Smythe-Webster 1017 01:17:22,044 --> 01:17:24,064 when he came here to see you last night? 1018 01:17:24,076 --> 01:17:26,044 Oh, that was a social call. 1019 01:17:26,056 --> 01:17:29,004 Social call? 1020 01:17:29,020 --> 01:17:31,092 Very surprised you're on speaking terms. 1021 01:17:34,024 --> 01:17:40,036 Thirty years ago we had a brief and dangerous liaison. 1022 01:17:40,052 --> 01:17:44,064 It ended in tears, of course. They were his not mine. 1023 01:17:44,076 --> 01:17:47,004 There's a potentially decent man 1024 01:17:47,020 --> 01:17:49,040 buried under that thousand years of history. 1025 01:17:49,052 --> 01:17:51,084 And I thought I could dig him out. 1026 01:17:51,096 --> 01:17:54,008 I failed. 1027 01:17:54,024 --> 01:17:56,064 My sergeant says he offered you money. 1028 01:17:56,080 --> 01:17:58,076 Which I refused. Why? 1029 01:17:58,092 --> 01:18:03,060 I approached Frank Webster at the proper time about making 1030 01:18:03,076 --> 01:18:06,048 a contribution to the running of my museum. 1031 01:18:06,064 --> 01:18:10,040 He said the book was out of copyright and told me to get lost. 1032 01:18:10,052 --> 01:18:11,088 End of story. 1033 01:18:12,000 --> 01:18:14,016 I don't grovel to these people. 1034 01:18:14,032 --> 01:18:18,028 I don't grovel to anyone, as you've probably gathered. 1035 01:18:18,040 --> 01:18:21,060 Elsie Pinchel? Danny's mother? 1036 01:18:21,072 --> 01:18:25,004 She died a couple of weeks ago. 1037 01:18:25,016 --> 01:18:28,044 A legendary midwife of this parish. 1038 01:18:28,056 --> 01:18:31,032 And a formidable gossip. 1039 01:18:31,052 --> 01:18:34,080 She'd have answered all your questions, whether she knew the answers or not. 1040 01:18:34,092 --> 01:18:36,072 Would she really? 1041 01:18:37,096 --> 01:18:41,012 What do you think of Danny? 1042 01:18:41,024 --> 01:18:43,084 Everybody likes Danny. 1043 01:18:44,000 --> 01:18:48,024 I think that's his problem - he wants to be liked. 1044 01:18:48,036 --> 01:18:50,040 And that's tricky. 1045 01:18:54,052 --> 01:18:57,024 Is this the famous chapel? 1046 01:18:57,036 --> 01:19:00,044 Well, it was. Before God retreated. 1047 01:19:00,060 --> 01:19:02,044 And the people's republic of Lower Warden 1048 01:19:02,056 --> 01:19:04,044 turned it into a drinking club. 1049 01:19:04,060 --> 01:19:06,076 We did the conversion work ourselves. 1050 01:19:06,088 --> 01:19:10,016 A collective enterprise. 1051 01:19:10,028 --> 01:19:12,028 Phil did the building work. 1052 01:19:12,044 --> 01:19:15,064 Danny did the rewiring. I burned the altar. 1053 01:19:15,080 --> 01:19:17,036 Danny did the electrics? Yes. 1054 01:19:17,048 --> 01:19:19,052 He's a wizard with wires. 1055 01:19:24,008 --> 01:19:28,004 Troy, can you meet me at the hotel in 10 minutes, please? 1056 01:19:28,016 --> 01:19:30,052 We need to talk to Danny. 1057 01:19:41,080 --> 01:19:43,092 Helen. How are you feeling? 1058 01:19:44,004 --> 01:19:45,048 Heaps better, thanks. 1059 01:19:45,060 --> 01:19:46,096 Is Danny in this morning? 1060 01:19:47,012 --> 01:19:48,072 He's in the kitchen. Yes. 1061 01:19:48,084 --> 01:19:50,052 Tell him it's well past coffee time. 1062 01:19:50,064 --> 01:19:53,048 I will. 1063 01:20:40,064 --> 01:20:42,028 Helen. 1064 01:20:42,044 --> 01:20:44,088 Has Danny had any visitors this morning? 1065 01:20:45,004 --> 01:20:47,072 Only Mr Smythe-Webster. What time did he leave? 1066 01:20:47,088 --> 01:20:51,024 I didn't see him leave. He could have gone out the back door. 1067 01:20:51,036 --> 01:20:52,080 OK, thanks. 1068 01:20:52,092 --> 01:20:55,028 Has something happened to Danny? 1069 01:20:55,040 --> 01:20:59,076 Yes, something has happened to Danny. 1070 01:21:06,052 --> 01:21:10,004 Afternoon, Barnaby. Progress report? 1071 01:21:11,088 --> 01:21:16,028 I have one or two further questions, please. 1072 01:21:19,008 --> 01:21:22,056 I'm told that you and Sarah Proudie from Lower Warden 1073 01:21:22,072 --> 01:21:26,036 were once, if you'll pardon the expression, an item. 1074 01:21:26,048 --> 01:21:28,016 My God. 1075 01:21:28,028 --> 01:21:30,048 You have been dredging, haven't you? 1076 01:21:30,064 --> 01:21:33,064 There seems an awful lot to dredge in these parts. 1077 01:21:35,040 --> 01:21:36,088 She said, 1078 01:21:37,004 --> 01:21:40,016 you couldn't have a proper relationship across the tracks 1079 01:21:40,032 --> 01:21:43,020 if one of the families owns the tracks. 1080 01:21:43,032 --> 01:21:45,084 It's a fair point. 1081 01:21:45,096 --> 01:21:48,048 So I returned to my own kind. 1082 01:21:51,020 --> 01:21:53,028 That's all over now. 1083 01:21:59,060 --> 01:22:04,004 Good health. Thank you. 1084 01:22:04,016 --> 01:22:07,024 How do you mean "it's all over now"? 1085 01:22:09,016 --> 01:22:14,012 Take a look at that photograph. Up there on the mantle. 1086 01:22:15,048 --> 01:22:18,012 The Smythe-Webster boys when young. 1087 01:22:19,068 --> 01:22:21,016 Notice anything? 1088 01:22:21,032 --> 01:22:23,084 There were four of you. Exactly. 1089 01:22:24,084 --> 01:22:26,088 My big brother St John 1090 01:22:27,004 --> 01:22:30,052 drove his Ferrari into a wall when he was up at Oxford. 1091 01:22:30,064 --> 01:22:32,088 So we all moved up one. 1092 01:22:33,004 --> 01:22:35,040 I got landed with running this place, 1093 01:22:35,052 --> 01:22:37,092 instead of becoming the local vicar. 1094 01:22:38,008 --> 01:22:40,084 Would you have enjoyed that? It's a doddle. 1095 01:22:41,004 --> 01:22:44,028 The hours are undemanding and you get first whack at the young wives club. 1096 01:22:46,056 --> 01:22:50,024 Why? Why did you say "it's all over now"? 1097 01:22:53,048 --> 01:22:57,028 Well, by the time big brother had killed himself, 1098 01:22:57,040 --> 01:23:00,028 I'd had the operation. 1099 01:23:00,040 --> 01:23:02,008 The snip. 1100 01:23:02,024 --> 01:23:06,060 It was Sarah Proudie's idea, but it made sense at the time, 1101 01:23:06,072 --> 01:23:08,080 looking ahead to the young wives. 1102 01:23:08,096 --> 01:23:11,048 Simon, as you will have observed, is fundamentally sexless 1103 01:23:11,060 --> 01:23:13,028 And Frank... 1104 01:23:13,044 --> 01:23:16,020 Frank was always very careful after the business with Laura 1105 01:23:16,032 --> 01:23:19,008 which brought forth little Larry. 1106 01:23:19,024 --> 01:23:22,056 We're running out of family, Mr Barnaby. 1107 01:23:22,068 --> 01:23:25,052 A thousand years, and now it's over. 1108 01:23:25,064 --> 01:23:27,044 How do you plan to cope? 1109 01:23:29,028 --> 01:23:33,008 That's what The Satanic Experience is all about. 1110 01:23:33,020 --> 01:23:34,080 Fatten up the place, 1111 01:23:34,096 --> 01:23:37,000 sell it to some global leisure corporation 1112 01:23:37,012 --> 01:23:39,016 and spend the money on loose living. 1113 01:23:39,032 --> 01:23:42,056 It's the end of the line and nobody will give a damn. 1114 01:23:42,072 --> 01:23:45,020 But why? Why would anyone want to murder your nephew 1115 01:23:45,032 --> 01:23:47,012 and your brother? Why? 1116 01:23:47,028 --> 01:23:50,000 We've got the money and they haven't. 1117 01:23:53,056 --> 01:23:57,036 A box of thunderflashes went missing a few days ago. 1118 01:23:57,052 --> 01:24:02,076 Mr Wilson says the only other person to hold a key to the armoury is you. 1119 01:24:02,088 --> 01:24:06,004 You think I killed Larry? 1120 01:24:06,016 --> 01:24:09,076 Anyone else have access to your key? 1121 01:24:09,092 --> 01:24:13,044 I did lose it for a couple of days. But then it turned up, 1122 01:24:13,056 --> 01:24:15,040 so I thought no more about it. 1123 01:24:16,056 --> 01:24:19,024 I understand that Danny Pinchel has become 1124 01:24:19,036 --> 01:24:21,088 quite a favourite of yours. 1125 01:24:22,000 --> 01:24:23,076 He's a good lad. 1126 01:24:23,088 --> 01:24:25,076 He manages to see past the money 1127 01:24:25,092 --> 01:24:27,092 and talk to me like another human being. 1128 01:24:28,008 --> 01:24:31,048 Did you see him as a prospective heir? 1129 01:24:33,028 --> 01:24:35,084 I don't know what he's been telling you 1130 01:24:35,096 --> 01:24:38,024 but that's ridiculous. 1131 01:24:38,040 --> 01:24:42,012 I've always said that if we sold up we'd try to protect his job. 1132 01:24:42,024 --> 01:24:44,080 But that's hardly the same thing. 1133 01:24:44,092 --> 01:24:47,052 Did you argue with him this morning? 1134 01:24:47,064 --> 01:24:49,056 Over the key perhaps? 1135 01:24:49,072 --> 01:24:52,032 Danny? You think Danny stole the key? 1136 01:24:52,048 --> 01:24:55,032 No, I've always found him an amiable soul. 1137 01:24:55,044 --> 01:24:58,032 He's a dead soul now. 1138 01:24:58,044 --> 01:25:01,084 Dead? What are you talking about? 1139 01:25:01,096 --> 01:25:04,056 Someone killed him. 1140 01:25:04,068 --> 01:25:07,004 Round about the time of your visit. 1141 01:25:12,016 --> 01:25:15,012 They can't kill Danny. 1142 01:25:15,024 --> 01:25:18,004 Everybody likes Danny. 1143 01:25:19,068 --> 01:25:22,024 Three possibilities. 1144 01:25:22,040 --> 01:25:25,040 There's a bruise indicating he's been banged on the head, 1145 01:25:25,056 --> 01:25:29,048 more bruises on the neck indicating that someone tried to strangle him. 1146 01:25:29,060 --> 01:25:31,064 But I've got a feeling 1147 01:25:31,080 --> 01:25:34,064 he's actually been drowned. Drowned? 1148 01:25:34,076 --> 01:25:37,040 In gaspacho. 1149 01:25:37,056 --> 01:25:40,056 In what? It's cold tomato soup. 1150 01:25:40,072 --> 01:25:43,076 I'd say he was held facedown in that. 1151 01:25:43,092 --> 01:25:47,060 By a killer whose clothes must be in a terrible mess. 1152 01:25:47,072 --> 01:25:49,080 This doesn't tie in with the others. 1153 01:25:49,092 --> 01:25:51,064 Danny wasn't a Smythe-Webster. 1154 01:25:51,076 --> 01:25:55,004 Not yet he wasn't. 1155 01:25:55,016 --> 01:25:57,076 Danny the chef? 1156 01:25:57,088 --> 01:26:00,076 What you going to do with this one? 1157 01:26:00,092 --> 01:26:03,052 Call it drugs-related and file under pending? 1158 01:26:03,068 --> 01:26:07,024 You've done very well out of these murders, haven't you, Mr Murdoch? 1159 01:26:07,036 --> 01:26:09,020 Just doing my job. 1160 01:26:09,036 --> 01:26:12,000 You see the bright lights beckoning, don't you? 1161 01:26:12,012 --> 01:26:14,088 But I see a motive for murder. 1162 01:26:15,004 --> 01:26:17,076 That's outrageous. That being the case, 1163 01:26:17,092 --> 01:26:22,056 your best plan will be to stay out of my field of vision. 1164 01:26:22,068 --> 01:26:26,044 Now if there are no more questions... 1165 01:26:27,044 --> 01:26:30,040 Is it true a local man is helping with your inquiries? 1166 01:26:30,052 --> 01:26:32,064 Well, if it is, it'll be a first. 1167 01:26:32,076 --> 01:26:35,012 Sir. 1168 01:26:36,084 --> 01:26:40,080 I found this in Danny's pocket. It looks like his mum's diary. 1169 01:26:40,092 --> 01:26:43,028 Excellent. 1170 01:27:02,020 --> 01:27:05,048 What's the betting Phil did a cross-country run on that bike 1171 01:27:05,060 --> 01:27:07,068 this morning to kill Danny? 1172 01:27:07,084 --> 01:27:11,068 Message received and understood, sir. 1173 01:27:26,048 --> 01:27:28,048 SOBBING 1174 01:27:39,056 --> 01:27:43,072 I thought the point of women's emancipation 1175 01:27:43,088 --> 01:27:47,016 was that you didn't have to do the men's dirty washing. 1176 01:27:48,088 --> 01:27:51,040 Troy? Ta. 1177 01:28:27,036 --> 01:28:30,088 Sorry about the flat tyres. I don't know where I get these ideas. 1178 01:28:31,004 --> 01:28:33,024 My sergeant has something to say to you. 1179 01:28:33,040 --> 01:28:36,056 Philip Harrison, you are charged with the murders 1180 01:28:36,072 --> 01:28:39,088 of Danny Pinchel, Larry Smith and Frank Webster. 1181 01:28:59,040 --> 01:29:01,084 Why? 1182 01:29:02,000 --> 01:29:05,028 My nephew was a waster, my brother was a waster 1183 01:29:05,040 --> 01:29:08,072 and I daresay I'm a waster too. 1184 01:29:08,084 --> 01:29:10,036 Everybody liked Danny! 1185 01:29:10,048 --> 01:29:11,084 No, no, no. 1186 01:29:11,096 --> 01:29:14,008 Everybody was wrong. 1187 01:29:15,044 --> 01:29:18,044 Danny was the worst of the lot. 1188 01:29:36,096 --> 01:29:41,040 What did you mean Danny was the worst of the lot? 1189 01:29:41,052 --> 01:29:43,056 He was the brains. 1190 01:29:45,076 --> 01:29:47,096 I was the guy who pushed the button. 1191 01:29:50,028 --> 01:29:53,060 Danny borrowed your key to the armoury. 1192 01:29:53,072 --> 01:29:57,000 CLAPPING AND CHEERING 1193 01:29:57,016 --> 01:30:00,068 And he planned the explosion that killed Larry. 1194 01:30:05,092 --> 01:30:10,040 Three... Two... One... 1195 01:30:10,052 --> 01:30:11,088 Go! 1196 01:30:15,016 --> 01:30:17,088 Phil triggered the blast by remote control. 1197 01:30:18,000 --> 01:30:20,036 SCREAMING 1198 01:30:23,044 --> 01:30:27,044 But Danny was on hand to give the signal by mobile phone. 1199 01:30:31,036 --> 01:30:35,008 No. I don't believe this. 1200 01:30:36,064 --> 01:30:38,044 But why? 1201 01:30:38,060 --> 01:30:44,040 I saw Frank Webster laugh at you that day. 1202 01:30:45,060 --> 01:30:47,056 Just because some cheapskate ancestor 1203 01:30:47,072 --> 01:30:49,072 wrote a lousy book? He was our ancestor. 1204 01:30:49,084 --> 01:30:51,068 You know the law. 1205 01:30:51,084 --> 01:30:54,088 There is no copyright on books 70 years after the writer's death. 1206 01:30:55,000 --> 01:30:57,032 Ellis Bell belongs to the world now. 1207 01:30:57,044 --> 01:30:59,060 Public ownership. 1208 01:30:59,076 --> 01:31:01,084 I thought you people believed in that, darling. 1209 01:31:06,032 --> 01:31:09,096 He should never have laughed at you, simple as that. 1210 01:31:11,084 --> 01:31:13,096 After Larry died, Frank was supposed 1211 01:31:14,012 --> 01:31:16,028 to come through with the money, wasn't he? 1212 01:31:16,040 --> 01:31:18,084 But he didn't. Is that right? 1213 01:31:20,008 --> 01:31:22,060 Yeah, that's right. 1214 01:31:22,072 --> 01:31:25,068 I wanted to pay up. He didn't. 1215 01:31:25,080 --> 01:31:28,000 We tossed a coin to decide. 1216 01:31:31,008 --> 01:31:33,004 My way. 1217 01:31:33,020 --> 01:31:35,088 Yeah, he fancied himself as a hard man. 1218 01:31:36,000 --> 01:31:38,024 He wasn't. 1219 01:32:38,020 --> 01:32:42,068 I assume you were going to put pressure on Rupert next? 1220 01:32:42,080 --> 01:32:46,056 He was still the man with the money. 1221 01:32:50,004 --> 01:32:55,080 All right, I can understand Phil hating the family. 1222 01:32:55,092 --> 01:32:58,084 But why Danny? 1223 01:32:58,096 --> 01:33:02,080 Go on. Tell him, Phil. 1224 01:33:02,092 --> 01:33:05,032 I went to see him this morning. 1225 01:33:05,044 --> 01:33:08,036 We had words, and suddenly he said - 1226 01:33:08,048 --> 01:33:11,044 You're an idiot. Just like your dad. 1227 01:33:11,060 --> 01:33:14,084 I haven't got a dad. Everyone's got one somewhere. 1228 01:33:14,096 --> 01:33:18,016 Yours is lord of the manor. Yeah. 1229 01:33:18,028 --> 01:33:19,080 If you don't believe me 1230 01:33:19,096 --> 01:33:22,048 I can show you my mum's diary. Oh, yeah, Rupert's my dad. 1231 01:33:36,044 --> 01:33:40,028 That means I could spoil everything for you, couldn't I? 1232 01:33:40,040 --> 01:33:42,068 You set me up, didn't you? 1233 01:33:42,084 --> 01:33:45,024 You wanted me to go down for all this stuff. 1234 01:33:45,040 --> 01:33:47,028 Well, I went down for the cricket pavilion. 1235 01:33:47,044 --> 01:33:50,004 Then with me out of the way you could have a clear run. 1236 01:33:50,016 --> 01:33:52,052 That's what friends are for. 1237 01:34:14,008 --> 01:34:19,032 What precisely am I being told here? 1238 01:34:21,056 --> 01:34:27,004 Danny's mother, Elsie, was the midwife at Phil's birth. 1239 01:34:27,016 --> 01:34:29,052 And she always told the mother, 1240 01:34:29,068 --> 01:34:34,056 "If anything goes wrong, I need to know who the father is." 1241 01:34:34,068 --> 01:34:38,004 And so I told her. 1242 01:34:38,020 --> 01:34:43,052 And she wrote all the names down in her diary. 1243 01:34:44,080 --> 01:34:46,096 This diary. 1244 01:34:47,008 --> 01:34:49,060 Which we found on Danny's body. 1245 01:34:51,076 --> 01:34:54,008 Yes, Rupert. 1246 01:34:54,020 --> 01:34:57,036 You are Philip's father. 1247 01:34:57,048 --> 01:35:00,044 Yeah. 1248 01:35:00,056 --> 01:35:05,036 And I'm your son and heir. 1249 01:35:07,000 --> 01:35:10,092 Except that you people would have found a way of screwing me. 1250 01:35:11,004 --> 01:35:12,092 We couldn't have some lout 1251 01:35:13,008 --> 01:35:15,036 from Lower Warden taking over the manor, could we? 1252 01:35:15,048 --> 01:35:17,092 That's why I never told you. 1253 01:35:18,004 --> 01:35:21,064 You did the right thing, Mum. 1254 01:35:25,044 --> 01:35:29,044 Look at us. We're a family. 1255 01:35:42,028 --> 01:35:46,088 So long... Daddy. 1256 01:35:52,048 --> 01:35:54,096 CHOIR SINGS 1257 01:36:10,048 --> 01:36:12,056 Back to normal, then? 1258 01:36:12,072 --> 01:36:15,088 Normal's a bit weird round here, isn't it, Mr Wilson? 1259 01:36:16,000 --> 01:36:20,032 No, Darren. Weird's another place. 1260 01:36:43,020 --> 01:36:47,024 Never thought of you as a gardener, Sarah. 1261 01:36:47,036 --> 01:36:50,060 I'm keeping it nice for my son. 1262 01:36:57,088 --> 01:37:02,072 Is it too late for us to be friends? 1263 01:37:02,084 --> 01:37:04,052 Oh, I think so. 1264 01:37:06,000 --> 01:37:07,084 Don't you? 1265 01:37:31,076 --> 01:37:35,040 You were right. It's not a bad book. 1266 01:37:35,052 --> 01:37:37,016 It's very good. 1267 01:37:37,032 --> 01:37:41,012 You didn't tell me the hero's name is Harrison. 1268 01:37:41,024 --> 01:37:43,012 Phil Harrison. 1269 01:37:43,024 --> 01:37:45,088 You didn't ask. 1270 01:37:46,004 --> 01:37:48,004 Is this your bookmark? Probably. 1271 01:37:49,072 --> 01:37:52,028 Oh, no it's not. 1272 01:37:52,040 --> 01:37:55,004 Danny's meatball recipe. 1273 01:37:55,016 --> 01:37:57,008 He seemed a nice boy. 1274 01:37:57,020 --> 01:37:59,048 Oh, yeah. 1275 01:37:59,060 --> 01:38:01,096 Everybody liked him. 1276 01:38:09,064 --> 01:38:12,064 Closed Captions by CSI - Adrian Tan